Christmas with a difference
by Captain Holly Short of the LEP
Summary: Artemis, Holly, Foaly, Mulch, Butler and Juliet are all enjoying the cliche days leading up to Christmas the usual A/H stunt until Artemis's family make a surprise drop in and a date doesn't go as planned. Epilogue: the wedding. COMPLETE
1. AMBUSH

Disclaimer:

Me: Hi my name is…

Artemis: Get on with it Holly

Me: as much as I would love to own Artemis Fowl and Eoin Colfer's creations I am sad to say… (Breaks down crying)

Artemis: (rolling his eyes) give me a break just say it already or I'll get Butler onto you

Me: alright, alright I do not own any of Artemis Fowl or Eoin Colfer's creations. Happy now Artemis?

Artemis: yeah alright, get on with the story.

Chapter One:

I crept into the room, as quiet as a mouse. I waited only a second for the others to follow me in. I glanced at the bed in which the boy was sleeping. He had kicked off his covers and was in a pair of red boxers and a black singlet with his arms round a small black teddy with a white suit. I stifled a giggle. It was too good to be true. I looked backwards at the others putting my finger to my lips which I found were twitching. They stayed quiet though it was obvious that they were finding it as hard not to laugh as I was. I thought for a moment looking down at my weapons of choice, a water pistol and a wet sponge, simple but effective. Putting three fingers up I counted down, _three, two, one. _Then I squirted the water gun at the bed, pushed slightly backwards by the powerful force of the water. Grinning to myself I noticed the others attack using their weapons. A water bomb exploded and a bucket of water added to the already soaked bed. The boy stirred rolling of the bed in shock. He hit the ground picking himself up quickly, glaring at me. I squirted him in the face running for all I was worth to the door sprinting down the corridor with him at my heels. The others watched from the doorway grins on their faces. I shrieked as he grabbed me by the back of my shirt. I tripped and we tumbled to the floor gasping for breath. I landed on him my water pistol still firing at random. He tried to push me off but I kept on him squashing the air out of him.

"Holly" he said desperately gasping for breath, "get off me, I can't breathe," he panted. I didn't budge.

"In your dreams Artemis," I said, grinning at his annoyed face, "nice teddy by the way," I said. Artemis went bright red.

"D'Arvit!" he swore "I was hoping you wouldn't see that" he said embarrassed. I laughed at his shock.

"Still, everyone's going to hear about it," I said jumping of him lightly. I turned to see the others in the lounge which we had run into. Foaly was rolling on the floor laughing, tears falling down his cheeks like a waterfall. Mulch was in pretty much the same position. Butler's lips were twitching and Juliet was having the time of her life laughing so much that she had one hand on her brother to keep her standing and the other hand clutching the stitch in her side.

"Alright," said Artemis grumpily his face still pink, "you're never going to let me forget this are you?" he asked knowing the answer.

"Of course not," puffed Foaly. Soon everybody regained composure and they were able to get some breakfast.

"This morning will never be forgotten," said Mulch. Artemis moaned.

"What did I do to deserve this?"

Sorry it's so short the next one will be longer i promise!!!

Captain Short


	2. The fly on the wall

Disclaimer

Artemis: Ok it's time to do the disclaimer Holly

Me: NO I WON'T!

Artemis: Eoin Colfer! Come 'ere a minute!

Holly: Ok I will, I don't own Artemis Fowl and even this story is kinda clichéd.

Chapter Two:

Now would probably be a good time for an explanation if you are a fan of AF and you know that it isn't exactly normal for Artemis to have Holly, Foaly and Mulch staying at Fowl manor. The simple truth- Artemis had invited them for Christmas (I know, I know it's clichéd but it means presents!) because his parents and the twins had gone to New Zealand for a holiday and as much as Artemis would like to go to New Zealand he would rather have time with his friends. Holly had jumped at the idea because she never got to celebrate Christmas, what with her dead parents and the rest of her family avoiding her she felt like she would have a fun Christmas for once. Now back to the story…

Holly's POV

I grinned at Artemis's expression through breakfast. Though I knew I shouldn't I could resist one last comment.

"Where did you get the white suit?" I asked. Artemis looked confused and looked down to see whether he was wearing a white suit. When he found he wasn't he paled as he realised what I meant.

"What white suit?" he asked hoping that I hadn't noticed his hesitation. But of course I had.

"You know the one on your teddy bear? What's his name by the way?" I asked laughing at his horrified face.

"Do I have to answer that" he asked noticeably ruffled. I nodded an evil grin spreading on my face. He gulped.

"Mr Cuddles" whispered the mortified Artemis. Juliet squealed with joy, clutching her side with laughter. Foaly whinnied laughing his head off. Mulch was rolling on the floor. Butler controlled his emotions but found that his lips had an involuntary twitch. Artemis went bright red and looked down at his hands. I was torn between feeling sorry for him and making the most of his weakness. I chose the latter. I laughed harder than I had ever laughed before following Mulch's technique of rolling on the floor. Something that some Mud men teenagers would say in this situation is LOL which is exactly what Juliet did when she regained her composure. I tried my hardest to keep my laughter in hiccupping every so often with my attempts.

Artemis's POV

I know that I couldn't help having one weakness but it wasn't very nice for Holly to point it out like that. I felt my face go bright red, so I looked down at my knees in the attempts to keep my anger, but gave in storming out of the dinning room and into my room. I knew that they would never forget this and my teenage emotions were taking over. Something I had never done before. I cried. I didn't know what made me do it all of a sudden but my world crashed down around me and I found myself hugging the culprit which I quickly threw onto the floor. I heard a knock on my bedroom door.

Holly's POV

That was when I started feeling sorry for him. He ran out of the room with his face red with anger and embarrassment. I knew I had gone too far. I waited a few minutes for the others to stop laughing then changed my mind and ran out of the room after Artemis. I knew that the others stopped laughing when I did that but I didn't know what Artemis's reaction would be. I thought that he would be meditating or on his computer. I knocked on the door. I didn't wait for a reply. I decided that it would be no use. So I opened it and walked in. I gasped at the site of him. He was lying face down on his bed bawling his eyes out. I was rooted to the spot. I had never dealt with this sort of thing before. So I awkwardly sat down on the bed.

Artemis's POV

She came and sat down on the bed. I knew that she had never done this before so it was a new experience for both of us. Holly tried to cheer me up, though I couldn't accept it at the time.

Fly on the walls POV

And this short ugly thing came into the room where this other ugly thing was producing water. I better start naming things for you to understand what I am talking about. The ugly thing on the sleeping device looks like my brother Joe when he's drunk so I'll call him that and the ugly one that walked in will be called-er- I don't know- Gertrude. Hey that's brilliant!

So as I was saying Joe was on the sleeping device producing water from his eyes and Gertrude comes in and sits on the sleeping device. Joe looks up at her. (This is where it gets awkward) Gertrude put out her front leg to him and he took it. Then Gertrude attacked him but it must be some sort of greeting because he returned the attack. Weird. Well anyway they attacked each other though this form of attack must be some strange calming method for these Aliens. But Joe continued to produce water.

Holly's POV

Artemis continued to cry. I had never had to do this before. So with my arms around him in a weird sort of embrace I tried to sooth him.

"I'm sorry Arty; I didn't mean to tease you." I said knowing that this was the lamest excuse I could have come up with. Artemis calmed down a bit but tears still fell down his cheeks. I noticed the teddy on the floor where he had thrown it and picked it up.

"You know it was kind of unexpected Arty." I said glancing at the small black teddy in my hands. "But if it makes you feel better I have a teddy too." This made Artemis look up

"Y-you d-do?" he asked between sobs. I nodded at him.

"Of course I do. What's wrong with having one I was just teasing." I said. Artemis smirked at me.

"Let me guess yours is bright pink" he asked me. I acted embarrassed

"One of them is" I said. Artemis saw through my acting.

"One of them?" he said playing along all thoughts of being embarrassed banished. I nodded.

"It sits on my bed with my yellow one and green one." I said. Artemis put on his best vampire smirk.

"What about the one in the fairy dress?" he asked. I shuffled genuinely uncomfortably on his bed.

"Well…" I started. He noticed that I was actually embarrassed and dismissed it.

"Don't worry about it." he said.

"Frond you've changed!" I said, "A few years ago you would have been happy to embarrass me." Artemis smiled a genuine jolly smile.

"Yes well thanks to you I have changed." He said. I grinned then decided I better go back down stairs so Juliet didn't start getting ideas that Artemis and I were getting together which she had already started hinting.

Third Person- Dining Room.

Juliet sat still not laughing anymore instead she looked thoughtful. Butler noticed the change of mood.

"I hope Artemis Is OK." He announced. Everyone looked at him for a second then went back to what they were doing before. Mulch was eating again. Foaly was trying to activate a camera in Artemis's room. Juliet was looking over his shoulder hoping for some inspiration. Butler sat uncomfortably in his chair hoping his young charge was alright, he wanted to follow but he knew that Holly was perfectly capable of looking after him. Juliet made a start.

"I know, I know!" she cried everyone one jumped and looked at her, "Why don't we try and bring them together!" she said sounding like it made perfect sense.

"Bring who together?" asked Butler bemused at his sister's excitement.

"Arty and Holly of course" she said as if Butler was stupid "Gosh Dom, wasn't it bloody obvious?" Butler nodded uncertainly. Juliet returned to looking over Foaly's shoulder who had finally activated the camera.

"Ah Holly's leaving, Artemis has a huge vampire smirk on his face," said Foaly "what did she do kiss him?" Juliet smirked.

Finally Holly walked back in making no move to tell them what had happened. Everyone looked at her expectantly, but as she didn't say anything they left her to her thoughts. Artemis followed soon after his eyes still red rimed from crying. Everyone tried to ignore that fact though it was especially difficult for Foaly and Juliet who wanted to embarrass him. Juliet and Foaly whispered quietly to each other thinking up some plan to bring Holly and Artemis together. Butler looked at them sharply trying to hear what they were saying. Holly rolled her eyes at Artemis who smirked back.

"So Juliet what are we doing today?" he asked. Juliet mimicked his smirk.

"A bit of fun." She said secretively. Artemis was the one to roll his eyes. Juliet was looking at Foaly a smile playing on her lips. Foaly nodded.

"Well Juliet, sorry to spoil your fun but I need to go." He said. Juliet looked down cast.

"Where?" she asked desperately, Foaly grinned.

"To the bathroom," he said. Juliet punched him in the arm.

"What!" she exclaimed "and you tell me that I am mean." Foaly got up and walked out the door. Juliet sighed blissfully. Artemis gave Holly a worried look he knew that something was up.

"I wonder what she is planning," he whispered into her pointed ear. Holly nodded in agreement just as confused as he was. Juliet stood up.

"I think that we should decorate a bit to get us into the Christmas mood." She said joyfully. She was met with groans.

"Oh please not! I'll do anything but decorating!" whined Mulch. Juliet gave him a look of meaning which made Mulch shut up. Holly glanced at Artemis. She was about to say something but Foaly came in.

"Come on lets start decorating. What are the groups?" he asked Juliet.

"Me and you," said Juliet pointing at Foaly "Butler and Mulch, and Artemis and Holly." Neither Artemis nor Holly suspected anything and if anything they were happy with the arrangement but everyone knew that it would result in a lot of fighting between them.

"Well OK then Artemis and Holly you can do the hall and lounge. Foaly and I will do the rooms and Butler and Mulch can do the Dinning room and kitchen," said Juliet. She had a reason for these arrangements because the hall and lounge had cameras but they didn't tell Artemis and Holly this. So they went to their places.

Please review so i feel loved


	3. The problem of tape

Disclaimer:

Me: I am very upset to say that I OWN ARTEMIS FOWL!!!

Artemis: Butler! We have someone here that needs to know what belongs to them

_Butler comes holding a pistol. _

Butler: Who's the lucky victim?

_I cower in the corner, Artemis smirks._

Artemis: so are you going to say it

_Butler's gun is pointing straight at me_

Me: OK! OK! I don't own Artemis Fowl.

_Butler stands down_

Chapter Three

Juliet and Foaly moved into Artemis's room where his laptop was sitting. Foaly got into the cameras looking at how Artemis and Holly were going. Juliet went to find decorations. When she got back Foaly was laughing his head off.

"They're arguing again," he said tears falling down his cheeks. Juliet quickly moved to look at the footage. Artemis was standing cowering in the corner while Holly was yelling at him.

"MUD BOY!!" Holly was yelling, "WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING WITH THAT TAPE!" Artemis yelped.

Foaly and Juliet exchanged glances.

"Holly seems to have lost her trolley," said Foaly knowingly. Juliet looked confused.

"What's that meant to mean?" she asked.

"She's lost her temper"

"Oh" said Juliet. They turned back to watch the camera. Holly had advanced to prodding Artemis in the ribs with each syllable she said.

"I WILL NOT HAVE IT!" she was yelling. Artemis was trying to stand his ground but he wasn't used to overpowering females.

"I was just…"

"I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING FOWL! IT IS OVIOUS THAT YOU WERE TRYING TO PUT UP THAT DECORATION WITH THAT TAPE! IF YOU'RE A GENIUS YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE ROOM!" She turned and stormed out. Artemis was left standing in the corner, a bewildered look on his face. He shrugged his shoulders and tried in vain to put up more decorations. Foaly and Juliet laughed so much they thought they would burst.

The Hall

Artemis tried yet again to put up some tinsel and failed miserably. He sighed trying one more time, this time he climbed on a chair to reach higher. He got the tape and was sticking up the tinsel when he lost his balance. He wobbled and was about to tip off when he felt a hand holding him up right. He turned his head to see Holly pushing him up. She smiled at him then they both lost their balance and somehow Holly ended up on top of Artemis, their faces inches apart.

"Look Holly, I think we need to talk," said Artemis trying to get up.

"So do I. But I also think that we are thinking the same thing and well we can't waste an opportunity like this," she said, and she kissed him. For a second Artemis was shocked then he calmed down and kissed her back.

Artemis's Bedroom

Foaly and Juliet were stunned to say the very least. Foaly sat with his mouth wide open not able to say one comment. Butler and Mulch burst into the room. When they got no response they moved over to see what they were staring at. They then stood in complete shock when they saw the footage. Butler was the first to recover.

"At least they know that they like each other," he said softly. Juliet stared at her brother.

"They must have done it before for Artemis not to be too shocked," she said simply. Butler thought for a while trying to figure out whether he had seen it or not.

"In the gorilla cage," he said mortified.

"What?"

"When they went back in time, I saw it myself, my younger self saw them. I had forgotten," said Butler. Juliet looked satisfied.

"Well that explains a lot," she said. Foaly turned and grinned.

"Yeah it's easier for us anyway," he said, "We can just sit back and watch the show."

"I was looking forward to getting them under the mistletoe,"

"Well it sounds like you still can," said Foaly pointing at the laptop. Holly and Artemis had broken apart and were talking.

"I don't think we should tell them just yet, let them have their fun," Holly was saying. Artemis nodded in agreement.

"I think that that would be a good idea," he said, "but I also think that we should decorate this room," Holly got up and helped Artemis to his feet.

"Alright then but let me do the taping."

After that there was nothing much more to see except for a lot of arguing which Artemis solved with a kiss when Holly went at him.

"I never thought him to be the romantic type," said Butler eying them with a bemused expression across his face, "I think that we should leave them be, Juliet. At least let them have a bit of privacy," he said. Juliet put on a puppy dog face turning to her brother.

"Pweese Dom?" she said. Butler shook his head; he leant forward and switched of the laptop. The others groaned but Butler didn't care. All he wanted was his young charge to have some privacy and as long as Butler was his bodyguard he would make sure that he got it.

"We have some decorating to do," said Butler "Mulch and I will swap with you two so you don't get tempted," Juliet moaned again but left the room with Foaly going down to the dinning room.

Soon the house was decorated and Artemis and Holly hadn't shown any signs of being together except for being more comfortable around each other. Juliet was bitterly disappointed but didn't say anything because her brother was keeping an eye one her.

It was three days to Christmas and only two till Christmas Eve. The crowd were wondering was Juliet would think of next.

Sorry if it was a bit OOC but i think you get the idea PLEASE REVIEW if you do i will send my shieled LEPretrieval team with shielded lollies for you!!!


	4. The Magical Moment

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl.

That night when Artemis was sitting late on his laptop there was a knock on the door.

"Come in" he said wondering who was coming to see him at eleven o'clock at night. The door opened and Holly came in, dressed in a simple but effective green frock, obviously she didn't have any plans to go to bed soon.

"Holly you look gorgeous," said Artemis completely taken off guard. Artemis himself was wearing a suit as usual.

"Well don't just sit there gaping Mud Boy, I want to go outside and I thought you might like to come with me," Artemis nodded, "but I want you in something a bit more casual," Holly said heading over to his wardrobe. She shuffled through until she found it.

"This is it, Arty," she said holding out a blue silk shirt that matched his blue eye and a pair of black jeans. Artemis didn't want to but he knew that Holly would force him. So he went into his en-suite and got changed coming out looking like a normal teenage boy of fifteen. It was Holly's turn to gape.

"Wow," she finally spluttered "Arty you look hot." Artemis went slightly pink. Holly held out a pair of Nike sneakers which he put on. Artemis went to his cupboard and brought out some jackets. He gave one to Holly and he put one on himself.

"Well come on then Hol, where were you planning on going exactly?" asked Artemis. Holly smiled at the use of a pet name.

"I don't know. Why don't we just wander about," she said. Artemis nodded in agreement. So they went out one of the side doors.

Soon they were walking hand in hand along the tip of a small hill. Artemis sat down with Holly next to him watching the moon which was very bright that night. Holly put her arm round Artemis and her head on his shoulder. They sat for a while letting the atmosphere sink in.

"Arty?" asked Holly.

"Mmm?"

"When I went home after finding Opal did you think of me all the time?" Artemis hesitated.

"Yes, I did Holly; I couldn't stop thinking about you wondering if you felt something too."

"So did I, I thought of you day and night but everything I saw reminded me of you and I mean everything. It all linked back to you. Commander Kelp asked me what the problem was because I wasn't myself. I told him that I was just sad that Opal was still missing. But then we caught her so I couldn't use that excuse anymore. Trouble asked me again, I ran out crying thinking I had spoiled my chances with you. But I now know that I haven't." said Holly.

Artemis smiled at her then decided that only one thing could make this moment better. So he kissed her. This time more passionately then they had ever done before. Then it started to snow. Snowflakes falling into their hair making the moment more magical then they had ever dreamed of.

When they finally broke apart Holly shivered.

"We should go in now," said Artemis "before we catch a cold." Holly nodded still shivering. Artemis kept his arms round her, standing up and going back inside. They sat in one of the spare guest rooms, arms still around one another.

"Do you want anything to eat or drink Hol?" asked Artemis.

"No thanks Arty, Mulch told me about the sandwich," murmured Holly and she fell asleep. Artemis sat for awhile drinking in the feeling. Soon he fell asleep too arms still around one another.

I hope you liked it whether you did or not pls review it only takes a minute to make my day


	5. Not Such a Surprise

Disclaimer: Last time I checked the Artemis Fowl books (which I do at least twice a day) my name was not on the cover.

Chapter Five

The next morning at an unFrondly hour Juliet went to wake up the others. She woke up her brother first announcing that it was snowing. Butler got up and woke Mulch and Foaly. Then he went to wake Artemis while Juliet went to wake Holly. They met back in the hallway a few minutes later.

"Holly wasn't in her bed."

"Neither was Artemis." They both looked at each other. Then Mulch and Foaly came along.

"Where are the love birds?" asked Mulch. Both Butlers shrugged their shoulders.

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's find them" said Foaly. So they searched all the main rooms in the house. None of them thought to look in the guest rooms so for the time being Artemis and Holly remained hidden. Finally while Butler was checking outside Juliet came running out.

"Dom! Dom!" she yelled. Butler came to meet her, "I found them, curled up together on a couch in one of the spare guest rooms." Butler raised his eyebrows.

"But there is more," continued Juliet, "Holly's in a green dress and Artemis is wearing a blue silk shirt and jeans, _jeans_Dom!" Butler stopped and looked at her.

"Artemis is wearing jeans?" he asked his excited sister.

"Yes and they are black guy's skinny jeans. He looks _bad_" said Juliet. Butler laughed.

"One time he acted as my son Alfonse to get somewhere and I got him into the pair of baggy jeans that you chose for him, I told him while he was grumbling that you would say that he looked bad." Juliet laughed along with him.

"But I didn't wake them up instead I set up a camera to see what they did," said Juliet. Butler didn't look happy about this.

"I'm not happy about this," said Butler "I want to leave him alone. But I suppose you can't take the camera out now." He sighed. Juliet grinned at him then they went inside for breakfast.

The four of them were halfway through breakfast when Artemis and Holly came down still wearing the clothes from the night before. Juliet acted surprised to see them

"We couldn't find you two. Where were you?" she asked. Artemis and Holly ignored the question sitting down to eat.

"Why Arty, are you wearing jeans?" asked Juliet pretending to be shocked. Artemis glared at Holly.

"Someone made me wear them," he said staring pointedly at Holly.

"You said yourself that they were comfortable," she pointed out.

"Yeah, I suppose they're alright," replied Artemis. Juliet then pretended to notice Holly's dress.

"Holly did Arty force you into a dress?" she asked. Holly shook her head.

"No, I decided to wear it myself," she said. They sat in silence for the rest of breakfast then Juliet spoke again.

"I think that we should have a snowball fight," she announced. She was received by groans from Mulch.

"Dwarves don't like extreme temperatures," he said. Juliet rolled her eyes.

"That is why you where a jacket, hat, scarf and mittens Mulch," she said. Mulch still didn't look comfortable and he looked even less so dressed in one of the twins' snow suits. Artemis was also reluctant until Holly asked him to, then he agreed because he would do anything for her. So Artemis in a white shirt, blue spotted tie, black skinny jeans and a white matching snow suit was forced to play in the snow. (N/A: I don't know much about snow outfits as I live in Auckland, NZ where it doesn't snow.) Juliet decided to change the teams around a bit so she and Holly were one team, Butler and Artemis were another and the last team was Foaly and Mulch. Artemis and Holly were disappointed not to be in the same team but they didn't want to point that out to the others so they kept quiet.

Butler and Artemis worked well as a team Artemis was the strategic side while Butler was the physical. But that didn't stop Artemis from chasing after Holly a snow ball in his hand. Holly ran from him firing snow balls behind her. She stopped to pick up some more snow when Artemis hit her in the back of the head. By this time everyone was silently watching their fight wondering if they would show any affection for one another.

Holly hit Artemis in the face so he quickly hit her in the stomach. Holly came closer slowly while his back was turned. She jumped on his back in a piggy back position. Artemis was pushed to the ground with the unexpected weight and Holly ended up in top of Artemis again her face close to his. Unfortunately for them Holly didn't check to see whether anyone was watching. She just kissed him there and then in the snow. Artemis kissed her back neither realising that all the others were watching them. Finally they broke apart. Artemis had a very smug look on his face which was wiped off when Foaly wolf whistled. Both jumped to their feet pink with embarrassment. They were surprised to find the others grinning, no shocked looks what so ever. Suddenly it dawned on Artemis.

"You knew?" he asked. Juliet came forward and shook the bewildered boy's hand.

"Congratulations!" she started "yeah we knew we were going to try and bring you together but our hopes were crushed when you snogged when you were meant to be decorating."

"Well some one was spying and using someone else's laptop while they were meant to be decorating. Well at least is means we don't have to break it to you anymore," said Artemis. Holly smiled at him, clasping her hand in his. Butler was smiling, Juliet was smirking, Mulch was pretending to throw up and Foaly was looking worried.

"I'm sorry to crush your dreams like this guys but the council won't allow an interspecies relationship and what about the age difference and size?" he said. Holly and Artemis looked at each other the same worried expressions etched across their faces. Then Holly's changed to determination.

"I don't care what the council says I will come and live up here if I have to though I probably will anyway, and as for the size and age difference what happened to the thing you were working on. Weren't you making a pill to turn a human into an elf?" she asked. Foaly nodded.

"I just haven't tried it out yet but it worked on the simulator," he said. Artemis was looking between the centaur and his girlfriend wondering if it was indeed possible for him to turn into an elf and what his parents would say.

"I don't know if my parents would let me, I'm only fifteen and their eldest son after all." Foaly nodded in agreement.

"And Holly what about the fact that in human years you are about twenty?" Holly looked ashamed of herself. Artemis quickly put his arm round her, a very un-Artemis-like gesture. So Holly appreciated it.

"Well the truth is that I never went back to my normal age after the time tunnel. I am about five years younger in human years, which is about twenty years younger in fairy years," she said looking at her feet. Artemis looked at her fondly.

"Well for that we are thankful," he said, "now where were we? Ah that's right," he picked up a snowball and threw it at the smug looking centaur.

"That's for upsetting my girlfriend!" he yelled running for his life. Holly looked shocked for a few seconds realising what Artemis said then Mulch hit her in the arm knocking her out of the day dream. She responded quickly throwing one hard into the dwarf's stomach throwing him backwards. Holly laughed bending over double at the dwarf's expression. Artemis crept up behind her throwing one into the back of her head. Holly turned around holding a massive snowball.

"You my dear friend have just made a huge mistake," she said dumping her load on top of him. Artemis yelped as the snow pushed him down. When he finally got out of the snow Holly had disappeared along with the others. He pulled himself upright, looking around for a sign of them. He saw footprints in the snow and followed them to the front door. He put his ear to it to hear Juliet talking.

"That was quite a lot of snow you dumped on Arty, Holly," she said. The next voice was male.

"Do you think he will be alright getting out of it himself?" asked Butler. He was met by mumbles of 'yes' and 'probably'. Artemis then decided to get his own back and hid behind a tree near the place where Holly had dumped snow on him. He then changed his mind and took off his jacket and buried it under the mass of snow. He ran behind the tree. He heard the voices of Butler and Holly who were obviously the only ones that were worried about his safety. He couldn't see what they were doing but he could hear them talk.

"He's still in here I can see his jacket," Holly said urgently. This was followed by a lot of scraping from Butler. Artemis then heard the gasps that meant that they had found his jacket.

"What where has he gone?" asked Holly.

"I don't know but I have a feeling that he is planning an…"

"AMBUSH!" yelled Artemis throwing snowballs at his friends. Butler ducked while Holly blocked using her arms. Butler surged forward towards his principle picking him up and putting him over his right shoulder. Holly laughed at the sight of her boyfriend being picked up by the giant Eurasian and rolled in the snow laughing. Artemis wasn't too happy about being picked up so he struggled in the man's arms.

"OK what do you want Butler?" He asked in a bored tone. Butler put on the vampire smirk that Artemis was famous for.

"I want to know what you were doing last night," he said. Artemis stopped struggling.


	6. Guides and Movies

**Disclaimer: I am not Eoin Colfer therefore I do not own Artemis Fowl**

**Chapter Six: Guides and Movies**

"What!!!" both Artemis and Holly exclaimed, looking worried. Then Artemis came up with a plan.

"I was on my laptop when a sound came from one of the guest rooms, Holly and I met at the door and…"

"We were stunned by…by a wizard who put the Imperious curse on us," Holly interrupted. Artemis looked at her strangely. (N/A: I don't own Harry Potter either)

"The Imperious curse?" asked Butler a twinkle in his eye "and what did he make you do?" Artemis hesitated.

"He made us go to sleep," he said.

"Aah" said Butler "Now what really happened?" Artemis and Holly exchanged glances. Then Artemis gave in.

"Well I was on my laptop, Holly came in wearing a green dress and… oh never mind, she wanted to go for a walk and she forced me into jeans, blue shirt and sneakers. Then we got coats and went outside. Then…"

"Then we went back inside and went to the closest room and I suppose we fell asleep while talking," interrupted Holly. Butler could see that something was up from the meaningful look his charge gave his girlfriend.

"And nothing else happened?" he asked.

"Well we did have a magical moment on the hill," said Holly who always told the truth to her friends. Artemis and Holly both went red.

"Right and nothing else when you went inside you didn't… you know…" Butler started.

"NO!" yelled the victims astounded that the thought even crossed his mind.

"We just fell asleep on the couch _still in our coats from outside," _said Artemis shocked at the very thought.

"Good," said Butler, who was obviously relieved. By this time they were inside, Artemis still over Butler's shoulder.

"I think you can put Arty down, Butler," said Holly. Butler swung Artemis down gently, placing him on the ground.

"See you guys later then…" said Butler uncertainly, edging out of the room. Artemis glanced at Holly and shrugged his shoulders.

"Well a genius has to do what a genius has to do," he said, walking out of the room, 'that means I need to go to my room and do some research." He left Holly standing in the room, bewildered. She thought for a minute then decided to find Foaly and Mulch.

Meanwhile Artemis had disappeared into his room. He got onto his laptop and opened up Google. He sat for a moment, thinking of what to put in. He quickly looked at the cameras to see if anyone was coming. They weren't so he typed '_love guide' _into the Google search bar. He looked at the sites that came up. He scrolled down and went through five pages until he found it. _Love for Beginners: a guide to being the best boyfriend possible. _He clicked on it and it opened a site with all the rules required. He read it, intrigued by the ideas.

While he was reading Foaly and Mulch were having a conversation in the kitchen, while Mulch was eating.

"Artemis and Holly eh?" he asked Foaly. Foaly was deep in thought.

"It's- interesting," he said, "a penny for your thoughts" Mulch looked confused for a second, then realised what he meant,

"Oh, right- well I think that it will prove to be interesting as well, but Artemis and Holly…" he burst out laughing, "I mean come on a elf and a human, a criminal and a cop, it just doesn't work and then there is the point that the way that they met was Artemis kidnapping Holly and holding her for ransom, they hated each other for years. Now they are- (Mulch laughs again) together," he choked through his laughter. Foaly laughed with him. Soon both were rolling on the floor in hysterics.

Holly walked in for a second, then changed her mind and walked out. She then decided that she would go to Artemis's room and see what he was researching.

Artemis read through the guide, the information sinking into his huge brain. The information itself was logical once he had read it and he had to admit that he now knew how to act around Holly and what to call her. He heard a sound behind him, he turned to see what it was but there was nothing there, so he turned back to his laptop.

"Oh, Arty…"

Holly crept into Artemis's room not bothering to knock. She moved towards Artemis who was facing the other way and looked at his screen. She then saw what it was and noticed how deep in concentration he was. She gasped and noticed Artemis turn. She ducked quickly behind his chair making sure he didn't spot her. He didn't so she stood up.

"Oh, Arty…" she finally managed. Artemis turned quickly, bright red in the face. Holly found herself blushing.

"I…I just wanted to be good enough for you…" he finally said. Holly felt as though the world and her worries had simply melted away into the night. Artemis smiled uncertainly wondering if it was a good thing or not.

"Arty, I like you the way you are," she said "I want the teenager that I fell in love with. Not a boy who needs to research the topic of love, I can teach you enough of that." Artemis smiled sheepishly as though he was three and had been caught with the cookie jar in one hand and a half finished cookie in the other (Though he never was). Holly grinned at him.

"So you're trying to tell me Artemis, that the Artemis Fowl the Second hasn't any knowledge in the subject of 'love' and that he needs his girlfriend with an IQ that is considerably lower than his to teach him. Well I accept the challenge and hope that you will learn a lot in Captain Holly Short's Romance Academy."

"Well I could still put some of the things I learnt to practice," Artemis said "it said that I should take you to a movie or something," Artemis thought for a moment.

"Well Christmas eve is tomorrow maybe they will leave us in peace for a bit and we can do something special," he said.

"Good idea," said Holly who then leant closer and whispered in Artemis's ear, "I love you," Artemis didn't have anytime to reply because his lips were then occupied in a kiss. Both were oblivious to the fact that Butler was standing in the doorway about to call them for lunch. He decided not to disturb them and then to edge out of the room as Holly's hand founds its way to Artemis's hair. _Ahh young love _he thought as he left them to have his own dinner.

Butler came down the stairs thinking over what he just saw. His principle Artemis Fowl, _the_ Artemis Fowl the Second had a girlfriend. It was just too hard to believe. But he had seen it with his own eyes. He couldn't deny it. He saw his young charge's lips meet Holly's _willingly. _That was the amazing bit. Artemis had a girlfriend willingly. What would Mrs Fowl say? He looked forward to seeing the look on her face and Artemis Senior's, which would also prove to be interesting. Butler was still in a thoughtful state as he entered the dining room. Foaly and Juliet looked inquiringly at him.

"They are… a bit busy," he said. Mulch giggled.

"Ew! Romance outside your own species!" he said just as Artemis and Holly came into the room. They blushed and sat down at the table eating their lunch in silence. The others had a normal conversation about things that didn't really matter when Juliet decided to add Artemis and Holly to the conversation.

"We never found out why you two were in the same room last night," she stated knowing that she could just check the cameras later. Artemis and Holly exchanged glances then decided that it was either now or never.

"Well we went for a walk then came and fell asleep in one of the guest rooms," said Artemis,

"Nothing more," said Holly, she decided to terminate the conversation and asked Juliet what they were going to do the next day.

"Why?" asked Juliet suspiciously, Holly grinned at Artemis.

"We wanted to have some time to ourselves," she said. Juliet sighed blissfully.

"Oh, that's so cute!" she exclaimed. Artemis and Holly exchanged puzzled glances. Juliet bounced around the room happily.

"I can't believe it!" she shouted "Where are you going to go?" she asked. Artemis opened his mouth to speak but Juliet continued screaming "I know the BEST restaurant in Dublin, I will go and book a _romantic _table for two!" she ran into the hall to phone the restaurant. Artemis and Holly exchanged glances.

"Look Holly, as much as a love you, this whole dating thing isn't really my cup of tea," said Artemis, furrowing his forehead. Holly grinned.

"Nothing will make Juliet cancel this and to tell the truth, I think it will be good for you," she said.

"They will think that I am going out with my daughter!" he exclaimed. Holly rolled her eyes.

"You thought that Foaly wouldn't invent something?" she asked him. Artemis slapped his forehead.

"Of course! Temporary humanising pills!" he said. Foaly smirked pompously in the background.

"I know, I am a genius, you don't have to tell me" he said. Artemis rolled his eyes.

"I wasn't planning to." Foaly grumbled for the rest of lunch. Juliet didn't come back for a while and Artemis thought that he heard her go into the guest room they were in the night before. When she came back only Artemis, Butler and Holly were in the room talking about old times.

"And remember the time that I punched you in the face the first time? Your expression was priceless!" said Holly laughing. Artemis wasn't particularly fond of this memory.

"I'm sure it must have been hilarious," he said dryly. Juliet wandered in casually and sat beside her brother. She whispered something to him that Artemis and Holly couldn't quite catch. Butler raised his eyebrows and Juliet smirked, turning back to Artemis and Holly.

"Sooo…what do you want to do now?" she asked. Holly shrugged her shoulders.

"I would say Christmas shopping but we have already got presents, then I would say a snow ball fight but we have already had one, so I don't know," she said.

"I know," said Juliet, "why don't you and Holly watch a movie in your home theatre and we'll do something else!" she said excitedly. Artemis and Holly began to protest.

"But we don't…"

"I like him and all but…"

"BE QUIET!!!" bellowed Butler, "You are going to watch this movie and I am going to choose it for you,"

"But Dom…" started Juliet

"I have a different taste in movies than you think Juliet. So I am choosing this movie whether you like it or not," Butler said. Holly and Artemis followed Butler, looking miserable. But inside their hearts were leaping around in their chests. At least one and a half hours completely alone with the other.

Butler lead them to the home theatre and turned the projector on. The projector itself was actually a modified version of one of Foaly's, but looked like any early 21st century projector. Butler made them sit down on the couch and put a DVD into the drive. He left them sitting on the couch, looking bewildered as _Love Actually _began to play.

Though neither of them wanted to admit it, they both enjoyed the movie and when not even ten minutes had past Holly was snuggled up to Artemis and his arm was around her. By the end of the movie they felt refreshed and ready to face the bouncing Juliet. Artemis switched off the projector and followed the voices to the lounge. For some weird reason everybody was getting on for a change and Mulch was laughing with Foaly and Butler. Juliet immediately got up and bombarded them with questions, she was quite annoyed that she had run out of time to look at the camera she had set up in the guest room but she hid it. Artemis dismissed her questions with a wave of his hand.

"Look we are going to watch another movie," he said, grabbing Holly's hand and pulling her back into the theatre.

"We are?" she asked. Artemis nodded.

"Yes, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince," he said. Holly looked at him strangely.

"Harry Potter? I never thought that sort of thing would be your energy shake," she said. Artemis looked at her strangely.

"Nice idiom," he said, turning the next movie on. Holly sat down in the couch, preparing herself for the dark movie. She hadn't seen this one as it was still on in the movies on the surface and she hadn't particularly wanted to. Artemis came and sat down beside her, pressing play.

They found themselves laughing more than the previous Harry Potter movies and enjoyed one another's company. Holly sighed as she saw the house elves and centaurs and tried not to complain too much. But as the movie went on, it got darker and darker, and Holly moved closer and closer to Artemis then she screamed as the Inferi jumped out at Harry. When Dumbledore fell off the Lightning Struck Tower, Holly found herself crying at the loss of her second favourite character. (Her first being Luna, of course). Artemis yawned, subtly putting his arm round the upset elf. Holly glanced up at him a grin on her face.

"Nice one Arty, an original move that one, I don't know if I've ever seen that before. Very subtle," she said, all tears gone from her face. Artemis smiled warmly.

"I know it is used all the time, but it does the trick," he said turning back to watch the ending credits, his arm still around her.

"How did you get this movie anyway, Arty?" Holly asked.

"Oh, I've got friends who know people," he said. Holly looked at him quickly.

"All legal right?" she asked. Artemis looked uncertain.

"Mostly legal," he corrected. Holly rolled her eyes.

"Well that ended on a sad note, I think I'm going to bed now," she said walking out and into her bedroom.

Artemis switched the movie off and wandered into his own room. He opened the door to see two pairs of blue eyes staring at him intently.

"Hello simple-toon."

**I bet you can't guess who that is. Sorry for taking so long i had actually written it but it needed proof reading and i couldnt be bothered till now. I'll update soon. Next chapter is actually written and is awaiting consent from my commander. **

**-Captain Short**


	7. It's a Long Story

_Artemis switched the movie off and wandered into his own room. He opened the door to see two little boys staring at him intently._

_"Hello simple-toon."_

* * *

Chapter Seven

* * *

"Holy Frond," Artemis finally spluttered, staring at his younger brothers in disbelief. Beckett, (or at least that's who Artemis thought it was) stood up and confronted his brother.

"The pony downstairs said that we could come up here and tell you while he rang the com-and-a. He said that you would tell us from the beginning," said the twin that must have actually been Myles judging by the way the child was talking.

"Did Mum and Dad see them?" Artemis asked. Beckett answered this time.

"Yes they saw the pony and the short hairy thing that didn't smell very nice," he said, wrinkling up his nose as he spoke. Artemis laughed.

"Yes Mulch smells rather- interesting," he said.

"They are talking to each-other now," said Myles. Artemis sighed. He had a lot of explaining to do. He took each twin by the hand and knocked on Holly's door.

"Come in," said Holly's voice from within. Artemis opened the door to see Holly sitting at the desk in her room, reading a book.

"Holly, we have a situation. Foaly and Mulch are talking to my parents and the twins came and told me. You need to come down and meet them, especially my Mother who wanted to meet the elf that has saved her family so many times," Artemis said. Holly blushed. She knew that Artemis had had to tell Angeline about the people. She had had a hard time with Internal Affairs and the Council.

The twins let go of Artemis's hands and went to hold Holly's.

"You can be our new Aunty Holly," Beckett said. Artemis rolled his eyes and led the way back to the lounge, where he assumed the party would be. When he walked in, he saw a very excited Angeline, a completely bewildered Artemis I, Mulch, (who was enjoying Artemis I's discomfort immensely) and a very nervous Foaly. They all looked up as the four entered the room. The twins immediately jumped onto the couch beside their mother. Artemis and Holly made their way to the spare couch, sitting down comfortably. Artemis then noticed Butler standing silently behind Foaly, his face expressionless. Artemis assumed that Juliet had gone to bed. Angeline had got up and ran to hug her eldest son.

"Hello Arty!" she exclaimed. "We decided to come home early as your Father's prosthetic leg was giving him problems." Artemis nodded. Angeline then noticed Holly. Holly got up and politely shook her boyfriend's mother's hand.

"Pleased to meet you Angeline, I'm Holly," she said. Angeline accepted her hand, then engulfed her in a hug.

"Thank you so much for everything Holly, you have saved nearly every member of my family at least once, except the twins," she said. Holly smiled.

"It's alright, I was just doing my job," she said. Angeline shook her head.

"No you weren't, most of the times it was your own choice," she said. "Arty told me about you saving him at Rathdown Park," she said. Holly wondered how much Artemis had told Angeline, she glanced at Artemis, whose expression clearly said that he hadn't. Foaly then got up to talk to Artemis.

"Look, Artemis. The commander had to be told about everything." Foaly even used Trouble's rank, he must have been very worried. "He's not very happy, but at least he is a good enough mood to not wipe them," he said. Artemis nodded.

"Thank the commander for me," he said, then turned back to his family, "Let's sit down and I will explain everything from the beginning.

"It all started when I was twelve and got hold of The Book, which is like a fairy bible and has all their laws in it most of which rhyme. I borrowed it off a drunk sprite in Vietnam and managed to capture every page on camera. Then when I came back here I translated the book out of Gnommish, the fairy language and into English. I found out a lot about fairies in the book; I found that they live underground in a place called the Lower Elements. I also found that the magic which they have is not the type of magic which you would expect. The magic has to be renewed every so often when you have run out. With this magic a fairy can heal, shield, mesmerise and speak every language above and below ground. This applies to all creatures who follow the rules in the Book, if you don't you could lose your magic forever (an exception is warlocks but I will come to them later).

"Butler and I managed to capture a fairy, Captain Holly Short. Holly is in fact an elf and a leprechaun too, but that is a job. Holly works for the fairy police force the LEP in the reconnaissance unit. She is the first female captain in LEPrecon and at the time she was under Julius Root," he paused for a moment swallowing his emotions, Artemis Senior noticed the pause and interrupted him.

"What do mean by 'was'?" he asked. Holly gave Artemis a sad but sympathetic smile.

"We'll come to that later," said Artemis decidedly, having regained his composure, "Now, as I was saying…" and Artemis continued talking, about battles with trolls, the Arctic rescue and Koboi labs, the Cube and the mind wipe, Root's death, Holly being framed and the Eleven Wonders Exhibition, Minerva, Demons and Hybras, Silky Sifaka Lemurs, time travel and lastly- the final capture of the past Opal Koboi who was mind wiped and sent back into the past. The story took ages and the twins had to put to bed after being told about only the first two adventures. When Artemis finally finished and explained why the fairies were in their house, leaving out the fact that he and Holly were together, Artemis senior spoke again.

"So what you are trying to tell me is that you have been involved with fairies for something like six years and you didn't tell your father?" he asked. Artemis II smiled.

"I had made a promise not to, besides it would have been too dangerous, you may have told humans." he then turned serious. "And you've got to promise right now that you wont tell anybody because otherwise we will have to wipe you," he said firmly. Artemis Senior looked taken aback by his son's sudden harshness.

"Of course I won't tell anybody," he said. Then turned to the fairies in the room. "Now, we haven't properly met, you must be Foaly," he said, shaking the centaur's hand, "Mulch, and Holly." He shook each hand in turn. Angeline had enjoyed hearing the story again and was talking to Holly about fairy life. Foaly and the two Artemis's were having a conversation about fairy technology. Mulch found his way to the kitchen and Butler stayed where he was.

Artemis and Holly soon found themselves next to each again, having a huge group 'discussion' about time travel. Artemis brought up the dangers of time travel, talking about the paradox that occurred and accelerated aging, or de-aging in Holly's case. Unfortunately for both of them, Angeline decided to bring up the point that Holly must have been around the same age as Artemis, (both blushed furiously) then Foaly who was having fun embarrassing them, decided to mention that Holly hadn't gone back to her previous age. Both Angeline and Artemis senior raised their eyebrows as the victims blushed again. But Foaly wasn't finished there. No. He was really enjoying himself, so he continued.

"So, I guess you are wondering what we have been doing here?" he asked, and he didn't wait for a reply, "Well on the first day we decorated the house, as you can see. Then we awoke the next morning to find Artemis and Holly missing, we found them later in one of the guest bedrooms curled up next to each other on the couch." He paused for a second for the information to sink in, and then carried on. "They assured us that they hadn't done anything and then we had a snowball fight which proved to be interesting." He stopped to wink at Holly and Artemis who were both shaking their heads madly at him. Foaly felt sorry for them, even though he was enjoying himself, he knew that he should stop and let them continue at their own pace. They were after all Artemis's parents not his. Angeline and Artemis senior looked at him expectantly to continue, but he gestured at Holly and Artemis II, letting them take over. They gave him an appreciative look then looked at each other, unsure how to continue. Artemis thought it over and winked reassuringly at Holly.

"Well, we will back track to the Gorilla cage at Rathdown Park," he said. Artemis senior and Angeline looked at each other both, wondering why they had to go back so far.

"As I previously told you I was injured, nearly mortally so. Holly managed to mesmerise the gorilla and heal me. As I awoke from my unconscious nightmare I said: 'Holly you saved me again,' and she replied 'of course I saved you, I couldn't do without you' and kissed me." Artemis tried to make it sound like it was no big deal, but found his cheeks grow hot.

"As you know," he continued. "I had lied and made it up to her, but Holly said 'we are from different worlds Artemis, we will always have doubts about one another. Let's carry on and leave the past in the past where it should be.' And we did until she came here. We kissed again while decorating and again that night that we slept in the guest room. The others had seen us over the cameras while we were decorating and we thought that we broke it to them during the snow fight. When you came we were watching a movie, Harry Potter six to be precise, but that doesn't matter, what does is that I will need your permission to continue. As my parents you will have some say in my decision, but also as I am now fifteen I think I can…" Artemis had to stop as he was engulfed in a suffocating hug from his mother.

"Of course you can, I have been waiting for the day that you would find someone like Holly, at first I had my money on Minerva but that was before I heard about Holly. They way you talk about her is different to the way that you talk about Minerva," she said, finally letting her son go and moving onto his girl friend. Artemis senior was stuck to his seat. He couldn't move a muscle. Artemis Fowl II, his son Arty, had finally grown up relationship wise. All these years Artemis senior had been worrying that his son wasn't seeing enough girls, and here was one, right in front of him, perfect. He finally stood up, receiving an approving glance from Butler. The group watched him as he approached, their faces ever so slightly worried. But Artemis senior's broke into a grin and he ruffled his son's hair.

"I am absolutely astounded, very happy mind you, but still surprised. I had started to worry that you didn't have any friends Arty, but you have many, hidden from me, I am so proud," he said, hugging his son. Artemis smiled warmly at Holly, she was accepted, completely.

"Now, I don't want to hear any stories about you two misbehaving," said Angeline, winking at her husband.

"Mum!" said Artemis, "you know I've changed." He purposely misinterpreted the question. Luckily for both he and Holly, nobody corrected him.

"Well I'm glad that's over," he told Holly, as they walked up to bed.

"Me too, Arty, me too," she answered and kissed him goodnight. Angeline who was also going to bed, saw them and smiled. Her Arty had finally grown up!

* * *

What do you think? I'll update soonish, but i am currently working on about four other fics. Try as i might, i can't seem to stop writing. Well see you next time, PLEASE REVIEW!!! I don't care if you don't like it, just tell me why!!! Then i can change it.

Resistance against reviewing is useless.

-Captain Short (If you can guess where that came from, i'll update quicker!!!


	8. Preparations

**Hey again!!! Thought that i might be nice to the few people who like this story (sorry Demetra i couldnt help it, it's too much fun to write).**

**Disclaimer: For some weird reason after reading the Time Paradox again the other day, my name wasn't on the cover; some other guy's was. D'Arvit! **Chapter Nine

* * *

The next morning was Christmas eve, Artemis awoke, a feeling of dread settling over him as he remembered the 'romantic' dinner that Juliet had organised for him and Holly. He had been to many 'romantic' restaurants with his family but this was different. He was living the romance instead of watching it, and it scared him a bit. The thought, the feeling, everything about it was different to anything he had felt before. For the first time im his life, Artemis Fowl had trouble sorting out his thoughts. So many of these thoughts had been nagging him since the latest escapade and now he tried to sort them into the boxes in his mind. He meditated for a full hour sorting out these thoughts before he realised that he couldn't skive out of everything, so he wandered downstairs and into the dinning room.

Holly sat silently by herself on the dinning room table, staring out the window. Her eyes shined like stars and her hair which was slightly longer was pulled back off her face in a small ponytail. Artemis followed her line of vision to see what she was staring at. It took him a while to notice but when he had, he smiled. The oak tree. The Fowls had an old oak tree just in view from the dinning room. He sat down on the table beside Holly who was so wrapped up in her day dream that she didn't notice him.

The oak tree glimmered in the midmorning light. Snow settling on it's boughs, some slipping off the tree and onto the ground like a waterfall. Artemis was soon also transfixed by the picture before him. It looked magical, the way that the snow lay on the branches and cascaded off in a graceful arch.

Butler was doing his rounds of the house. He had awoken at six o'clock that morning and had had breakfast so that he could start early. Now it was ten o'clock and he was finally getting to the 'lived in' parts of the house.

He walked past Mr and Mrs Fowl in the library, both were reading and had a cup of coffee. Butler didn't disturb them; he just carried on through the house until he came to the twins in the playroom. The small blond haired boys were lying on their stomachs drawing with crayons. Butler decided that he better not get involved as he did not particularly like drawing and the twins had a way that they managed to get what they wanted. _Almost like the Mesmer, _thought the manservant.

He walked past the fitness centre where Juliet was working out on the treadmill and then past the kitchen where Mulch was eating (no surprises there) and Foaly was drinking his carrot juice and rubbing on some foot moisturiser. Butler continued having already felt the tension in the room. That was when he got to the dinning room.

He had expected to find Artemis and Holly together somewhere, and here they were- the perfect image. But he decided that they one: shouldn't be sitting on the table as Mrs Fowl liked to keep her tables clean, and two: he needed to talk to Master Artemis. Neither noticed him walking through the door, neither responded when he cleared his throat, neither averted their eyes when he started the blender and the microwave at the same time but neither were happy when he shut the Venetian blinds over the window that they were staring out of. Artemis's eyes shot to look at his bodyguard and Holly glared at the manservant as if her gaze would kill him. Butler shrugged his shoulders uncomfortably, it was a mistake to disturb them but Mrs Fowl had said that tables were for glasses not…

"Butler, may I ask why you disturbed us from our pleasant day dream?" asked the always calm Irish genius.

"Because Mrs Fowl does not like to get the tables dirty and I would like to speak to you, Artemis about some private matters," answered Butler. Both he and Artemis looked at Holly who threw her arms up into the air dramatically.

"Fine I'll go," she surrendered walking out of the room in a huff. Artemis raised his eyebrows and turned to Butler.

"Is what you are about to speak to me about tonight? Because if it isn't I would like some advice in that area," he mumbled the last bit. Butler grinned, Artemis needing help? This was a first.

"You are correct; I thought you might need some help as this is your first time on a date," Butler winked at his principal. "Is there anything you want to ask me about?" he started. Artemis thought for a moment trying to find the best way to ask it.

"Well, er…" started Artemis completely lost with how to ask this simple question. He took a deep breath-preparing himself, he opened his mouth to speak but no words came. Butler looked at him sympathetically.

"You have no idea what to do, do you?" he asked softly, staring at the boy out of his unusually soft grey eyes. Artemis shook his head miserably.

"This is all new to me Butler!" he said, "I have no idea what to do!" Butler was about to answer when a thought crossed his mind.

"Er…wait just a second Artemis, I think that there is someone slightly more suited to this talk- don't worry I'll be with you the whole time," Butler winked and left the bewildered boy praying with all his heart that it wasn't Juliet. That girl could shatter his icy composure like no one else.

His prayers were answered when Butler walked back into the room with Artemis senior. Artemis II let out a sigh of relief. No need to be worried. But he was wrong. Dead wrong. A historical moment happening right there in the Fowl's dinning room. Artemis Fowl II was wrong, not for the first time, but undoubtedly wrong.

Artemis senior sat across the table from his son. His face unreadable but gentle all the same.

"Now, I heard you needed some advice young man," he stated looking the boy up and down. Butler took up his position at Artemis junior's side watching with a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

"Yes Father-Dad, I do," Artemis surrendered wondering what was coming next.

"Well I will start from the beginning. What will you wear?" he asked. Artemis II shrugged his shoulders.

"A suit?" he asked. Artemis I rolled his eyes.

"No, no, the thing that you need to do is find an outfit that she's never seen you in before, perhaps a tuxedo?" Artemis junior nodded satisfied.

"Yes I think that will be…"

"A pair of jeans and a nice t-shirt," his father continued. Artemis junior inwardly panicked, it was worse enough wearing 'it' at home without ruining his public reputation.

"No Dad, you will find that she has seen me in jeans," he said calmly. Artemis senior didn't look put off at all.

"Maybe a pair of shorts or something then," he said. Artemis II groaned.

"It is a romantic dinner Father, I think a tuxedo will do fine," he said. Artemis I gave in.

"OK, fine you wear a tuxedo, but I choose the colour of the bow tie," he put on the trademark Fowl vampire grin. Artemis junior's stomach did somersaults. This was going to be a long day. After finally deciding on the colour of his son's tie (which pretty much matched the colour of his face), Artemis senior started his very embarrassing 'talk' with the poor teenage boy. Artemis II was lost for words staring at his father in shock.

"I have to do _that_?" he asked pointing at the movie that his father had turned on. It involved a lot of flirting but it was a particular _move _that had thrown him. His father nodded seriously.

"Yes the girls love it," he said replaying the scene. Artemis Junior watched in shock as the male kissed the girl in front of everybody in the restaurant and still managed to proceed calmly.

"But _elfin _girls may be different Father, I don't think that Holly would like that sort of thing."

"Nonsense, now onto _romantic moments_." Artemis II was aghast.

"That wasn't romantic enough?" he asked incredulously. Did his father really know what he was talking about? Or was he setting him up to embarrass him in public? Artemis senior chortled.

"No, definitely not, you need the _imagery_," he said making a gesture with his hands when he said _imagery _that Artemis wasn't familiar with.

"Imagery?" he asked.

"Oh yes, you need to take her out in the moon light and find a place that means something to both of you," Artemis senior said, interested to hear of a such a place.

"Tara," Artemis junior murmured under his breath. It wasn't loud enough for his father to hear, but was certainly loud enough for Butler to.

"Pardon?"

"Tara, the most magical place on the earth, a hotspot and a shuttle port. Also the place where quite a few of our adventures have taken place," said Artemis II said with the same calmness as before.

"Perfect!" said Artemis I joyfully. "Now there are the transport issues…"

The talk took up a full four hours of Artemis's busy life which didn't make him very happy, he was even less so because he had spent most of the time a deep shade of pink. They only had just finished when Juliet broke into the room having finally heard of what they were up to. Artemis senior had very convincingly told her that he was just wrapping up and that he had _definitely _covered everything. Juliet was disappointed but wanted to find out all the details which Artemis II told her with very little enthusiasm. Juliet finally left the poor boy to his thoughts while she looked over the 'guest room' photos again in glee.

Artemis then decided that it was now time to seek his girl friend. He found Holly in her room reading the book that she had been forced to leave the night before. Artemis wasn't sure how to start a conversation so he pulled the chair from beside the bed to sit next to her.

"What are you reading?" he finally managed, after she didn't notice him. Holly jumped about a foot in the air, and then turned to face Artemis.

"Boy, Artemis you gave me a fright."

"Sorry." Though he didn't sound sorry. Holly rolled her eyes.

"I'm rereading the sixth Harry Potter book, to answer your question," she said, turning back to the book which she was at least halfway through. Artemis smiled. _Harry Potter, who would have thought?_

"Well, now that my Father has stopped terrorising me I was wondering whether you wanted to do something. You know something cool," the words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them. He mentally slapped himself. He sounded like an imbecile.

"Er, OK then," said Holly uncertainly, putting a book mark into her book. "What did you have in mind?" Artemis shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm not sure, we could, er no I'm really not sure." Holly stared at him for a second.

"Your Father gave you a really hard time didn't he?" she asked. Artemis cursed himself inwardly, was he always that readable?

"Er yeah I suppose so," he mumbled. Holly patted him reassuringly on the arm.

"You just be yourself mudboy, I don't mind at all," she said. Artemis looked at her quickly.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Thank Frond! He made it seem like you would dump me or something if I didn't do what he said. Anyway, what should I wear? He told me to wear a tuxedo with a bright pink bowtie." Artemis shuddered. Holly laughed.

"You can wear it if you want, or wear a suit I really don't mind. Don't listen to a word your Father says unless you agree with it. As I said before I don't want you to pretend to be anyone one else, I want you to be yourself. At least when you're around me, you can do that icy thing to Opal whenever you want but I am not going to fall for it again. I now know that it is just an act and when you open up you can actually be a nice person and surprisingly a different person all together," she said. Artemis grinned.

"Why thank you. Originally the icy composure thing was actually me when my father went missing. I was torn between wanting to sit down a bawl my eyes out and following the family motto 'Aurum Potestas Est.'

Unfortunately with Mother heading towards a mental break down and no one except for Butler and Juliet who at the time were only employees, I didn't have anyone to tell me that I was ten and that I was Ok to cry. The other problem was that I was trying to keep the Fowl finances in order which was easy enough. But I needed more money. Then I woke up one morning, the morning after fighting my older self not remembering what happened. Then I remembered that it was something to do with fairies. And that my dear, is how everything started." It was a long speech, even for Artemis. And it proved to be a shock to Holly who hadn't really heard about Artemis's personal life before he kidnapped her.

Artemis smiled at her, reminding her that it was her turn to speak.

"Well, I don't think I can match that, or even get close. But here goes. Once upon a time there was a small elf called Holly Short, who always dreamed of being part of the recon unit in the LEP. Holly was one centre metre short for her age and had hazel eyes. (All elves have red hair so there is no point mentioning it) Holly's favourite class at school was PE, causing her parents to despair. Her mother, Coral Short was an environmentalist and it wasn't till she was killed by humans that Holly really appreciated what Coral did for her, but then it was too late," Holly stopped for a sniff, then pulled herself together, "Well, she died while Holly was at the academy working towards recon and Father shortly (no pun intended) followed.

Holly had finally got her dream job and tried hard not to let her parents deaths cause her performance to slacken. Holly's great commander Julius Root helped Holly get over her parents deaths by letting her go to the surface more often. And the way she thanked him was Hamburg.

"Holly had just a simple recon- one of her perps went up on the surface and tried to get peace with the mud men. And when Holly went up and tried to get into the building, her omnitool wasn't on her moon belt. Talk about disaster. Commander Root had to stop time, call in a LEPretrieval squad and do four mind wipes. So much for Holly's perfect record. Julius, afterwards was very wary about letting her stay on and one morning she arrived to work about a minute late and Root had 'the talk'. He said that she had to be the very best that she could and that he would have to demote her to traffic. Holly begged for one more chance, Root looked about to disagree when a call came in saying that there was a rogue troll in Italy. He told her that that was her chance and asked her whether she was running hot. She lied and said that she was, though she hadn't done the ritual for four years. On the recon mission, Holly disobeyed a direct order and went to try and battle the troll herself, using a cry for help as an invitation. Of course something went wrong, her shield wouldn't work but she managed to knock out everybody, mudmen and the troll. She also fell unconscious and woke up to find Root bending over her asking her what happened to her shield. She then told him the truth and he blew up in her face, telling her to do it right then. She went up to a hot spot in Ireland, not Tara because of the hippies that go there at full moon, but to one of the slightly smaller ones. When she was about to bury the acorn two humans turned up behind her, knocked her out and abducted her for ransom. And you know how the rest goes," Holly sat for a moment, thoughts reeling through her brain. Artemis smiled warmly at her. He seemed to be doing it a lot nowadays. Holly looked up and smiled at him knowing that everything was now OK.

"That was the first time you have told anyone the whole story isn't it?" he asked. Holly nodded.

"It feels better now that I have it off my chest," she said. Artemis looked at his clock.

"D'Arvit!" he cried "it's six; Juliet reserved a seat for us at six thirty! See you in a bit, if Juliet ever lets us go," he said, dashing out the door and into his room. Holly was left to ponder what to wear. She flicked through her wardrobe, looking at the two dresses that she had brought. She certainly wasn't the sort to wear one so she decided against it and flicked around in the wardrobe some more. If you were standing in her room you would have her muffled swearing and then a very loud 'ah ha!' as she found what she was looking for. She pulled herself out of the wardrobe holding a skirt.

"Mmmn, now which top?" she wondered. She again walked into the wardrobe, If you were still standing in her room you would have thought that she had disappeared into Narnia. But she resurfaced a few minutes later holding a black top with the word 'DANCE' written in lime green across the chest. The white skirt that she had pulled out had the same green on the band around the waist, bordering the edge and the colour of the medium sized spots all over it. When Holly had pulled it on, she was surprised to find that she didn't actually look that bad. The skirt finished around her knees and the black singlet with 'DANCE' on complimented it quite well. She was just about to put her green converses on, when she heard a dramatic 'no!' behind her. She turned to see Juliet standing in the doorway with her hand over her mouth in utter shock.

"What?" Holly asked. Juliet came closer, slowly as if Holly was going to attack her.

"You can't wear converses with a skirt!" Juliet exclaimed. "Here let me help you," she said. Holly's eyes widened.

"And why can't I?" she asked indignantly.

"You just can't," said Juliet, "You need to wear some flats, preferably green." She started to grope around Holly's wardrobe. Holly knew when a battle was lost, so watched in despair as Juliet pulled out a pair of skimpy flip flops.

"No way on the surface am I wearing those," said Holly, backing away from the wrestler. But that was the word 'wrestler'. Juliet sighed, and surprisingly went back into the wardrobe and brought out a simple pair of green flip flops that had black and white gems sewed onto the straps. Holly moved closer and put them onto her feet. Juliet smiled.

"That's my girl. Now, it is winter, the house is warm and outside is cold, so you will need a nice thick coat. How about a white one that you can pull off when you get there?" she didn't wait for Holly's answer. She just pulled it out of her cupboard and put it on Holly.

"Yes, perfect." She pulled it off and lay it on the bed. "Now, for makeup, I'm thinking glitter green," she said, pulling a makeup bag out of the bathroom and attempted to start putting makeup on Holly.

"No way," said Holly, edging away from Juliet. "I have never worn makeup and I never plan to." Juliet was astonished by this confession.

"Never. Worn. Makeup?" she asked, surprised. "Well, that's going to change," she added cheerfully. Juliet brandished the eyeliner, walking towards Holly slowly.

OOO

Artemis meanwhile was having an extremely difficult time deciding whether to wear what his father had told him or do what Holly said and wear what ever was comfortable. He heard some very disconcerting noises coming from Holly's room and it took all his courage not to go and see that she was ok. She would be fine, he kept telling himself, she was a police officer.

"Now, what to wear?" he wondered, entering his walk-in wardrobe. He shuffled round his suits wondering if they were dressy enough for a date. He smiled as he selected his favourite tie from the rack. It was what the twins had got for him from New Zealand; it was an All Blacks tie. For those who haven't heard of the All Blacks, they are the New Zealand rugby team and although they didn't win the most recent world cup, they are still considered one of the best rugby teams in the world. Artemis had, of course heard of the All Blacks and had even gone to watch them when he went to New Zealand. Obviously Artemis wasn't one to watch sport, but this was different. He was in a guest box eating caviar and even got to meet the players afterwards, much to his disgust.

Artemis put on a white shirt and tightened the black and silver tie around his neck, he was already wearing a pair of black Armani pants and Gucci loafers so all was left was pulling on his black Armani suit jacket, which he did.

Artemis walked out his room and wandered over to Holly's, Juliet had just closed the door again and was heading to the dining room. She flashed him a smile before heading off on her course. Artemis knocked on the door to the beat of 'Life On Mars' by David Bowie, his favourite song at the time. He heard someone yelling 'come in' from with in. He opened the door cautiously.

"Wow."

Holly was cornered and she knew it. She sighed and sat down on the bed. Juliet smiled somewhat evilly.

"There we go," she said. "Now, look up." Juliet then put eye liner on Holly professionally and then sparkly green eye shadow.

"Sparkly green eye shadow never fails," said Juliet. Holly smiled slightly. This wasn't the most pleasant experience to be in and it showed on her face, the slight smile though it seemed, was more a grimace than a smile. But Juliet either didn't see or didn't care as she continued to apply make up to poor Holly's face. Juliet finally finished and stood back to see her masterpiece.

"Lovely," she stated. Holly looked in the mirror on the wall to see what she thought was the ugliest one of them all.

"Urgg," she choked. Juliet cocked her head onto one side.

"Well, Arty will like it," she said, then walked out of the room. Holly looked at herself in the mirror for a few more seconds. She did not like what she saw, so she looked away. She then heard a strange knock pattern on the door.

"Come in," she shouted. The door opened and Artemis looked in. He was looking just like he always did, in an expensive suit and tie. Holly smiled, slightly embarrassed.

"Wow," Artemis finally spluttered. Holly looked down at her feet and subconsciously battered her eyelashes. This of course made Artemis gape the more; he was a hormonal teenager after all.

"So, Mudboy," she said. "What time are we leaving?" Artemis shrugged.

"I would assume that Juliet would come and get us," he said. "Speaking of the devil…" Juliet had come into the room, without knocking.

"Well, are you two ready to go?" she asked. You could nearly see the excitement bubbling up inside her. "Butler will drive you there." She lead the two out of the room, giggling uncontrollably.

**Please review!!! i want to know what you guys think. **


	9. The 'Romantic' Dinner

**Chapter Nine: The 'Romantic' Dinner**

**Disclaimer: **

**Me: Even though i am the smartest per...**

**Green Eggs and Ham (first entrance as disclaimer buddy now to be known as GEAH): you? Smart? (scoffs loudly)**

**Me: I'm offended**

**GEAH: Sooooo???**

**Me: I have feelings**

**GEAH: You do? (genuinly surprised) **

**Me: Yes, and at the moment they are sad feelings as just realised that i don't own Artemis Fowl (sobs dramatically)**

**GEAH: (mocking) Le gasp!**

**Me: I know, and here i thought that the world was my oyster, and that i had everything i ever wished for when...**

**GEAH: You sound like one of those cheap romance novels**

**Me: Hey! That was a quote! I'll get th little guy who could fry your brain out!**

**GEAH: As we seem to be quoting, i'll finish it: 'One of those cheap romance novels i happen to adore' (backs away slowly)**

**Me: Sorry for the long disclaimer, i got carried away a bit**

* * *

"Ask me what I did to deserve this."

"OK," said Artemis. "What did you do to deserve this?"

"I have no idea," replied Holly, glaring at the volatile liquid swishing round the test tube she was holding gingerly in her fingers. They were currently sitting in the Bentley Arnage Red Label ('The Fowl Bentley' for short) and Holly was meant to be drinking the 'potion' that Foaly invented that would temporarily turn her into a human. Originally the changing method was in pills but Foaly had got a message from the Commander the day before saying that the pills were dangerous and were giving the officers nausea and mild tooth aches (Foaly had spent the night making a safer version and testing it on a guinea pig called N'zall. It worked and Foaly turned the ex-demon back into a Guinea Pig to avoid another of his friends getting stabbed)

Holly lifted the test tube to her lips and began to tip it slowly. Suddenly the car jerked, causing the liquid to slide very quickly down her throat, Artemis had to pat her on the back so she wouldn't choke. When she finally sat up straight she began to cough and shudder as the potion started taking effect on her body. Foaly had sworn that the potion would stretch her clothes as well, but Artemis wasn't too sure; it seemed hard to believe that a digested liquid could change her external appearance. But it did.

Holly shut her eyes as her proportions changed. Her brow slimmed to a human's size and her ears were now humanoid and she grew another sixty centimetres. She just looked like a short fifteen year old human girl.

Artemis grinned as her eyes flickered open. Her eyes looked like they always did: as if she was heterochromatic and they had shrunk a bit, to look a bit more human-like.

As they arrived at the restaurant, Artemis couldn't help but notice the meaning of the name: "Amore" though being Italian, it was also Latin, meaning 'To Love'. This seemed to strike him as something strange, the amount of times that he had gone to various restaurants called 'Amore' but never had the name meant any more than a fancy pizza place. This time it meant a lot more to him as he was the one 'loving'. He felt that the Latin could be changed to 'Amo' if he was talking about himself or 'Amatis' which means 'you love' (plural) it seemed more fitting and made more logical sense for the people visiting the restaurant.

This of course was the rational side of his brain thinking. The part of his brain that was fuelling his emotions was quivering in excitement; like a boy who had just been told that he was going to Disneyland.

Holly on the other hand was bored out of her skull. Artemis was thinking (nothing unusual about that) and Butler wasn't talking. She sighed and glanced out the window. The restaurant didn't look that bad, it could even be nice. She wondered if they had pizza; Holly liked pizza. She suddenly realised that she must have been drooling as Artemis was staring at her strangely.

"Whoops," she said as she wiped the drool off her chin. "That could have been avoided. I like pizza." Artemis raised an eyebrow.

"Good, because something tells me that this is an Italian restaurant," he said dryly, "It's not as if there's a giant pizza on the front or anything." He got out of the car door that Butler had opened for him. Butler gave him an approved glance as Artemis went round to the other door and opened it for Holly. Holly scowled slightly at him.

"I thought I told you to be yourself," she said. Artemis shrugged.

"I am being myself."

"No you're not. You are doing something for someone else. That is not 'being yourself'," she said. Artemis chuckled.

"As I said before, that was not the real me," he said, striding into the restaurant and up to the counter. Holly followed, somewhat more reluctant than the boy. Everyone didn't seem as big, which she assumed was a good thing. Artemis replaced his smile with his usual business like expression.

"We have a reservation…"

"Yes, Master Fowl right?" asked the waiter. Artemis nodded and scanned the room for dangers. Butler had always said that that was important. A simple observation could save lives, and Artemis intended both he and Holly to live through the night.

'Amore' was a pleasant restaurant with about thirty tables set out for a 'romantic' dinner. The candles had just been lit for the evening so the tables weren't covered in wax at this point, but remember this at the end of the evening. The blood red table cloths flowed over the tables, the edges touching the white, carpeted floor. There was a dance floor nearby that would soon be occupied by many couples later in the evening. Butler was standing by the door with another bodyguard who happened to be at Madame Ko's at the same time as him, occupying the Eurasian bodyguard for the time being.

Artemis followed the middle aged waiter to one of the tables near a window.

"Thank you very much," Holly said gracefully. Artemis gave her a quizzical look and didn't say anything until they were both sitting down and the waiter had gone to get them their drinks.

"Hypocrite," he said. Holly laughed.

"It was needed. You were being impolite," she said, turning to her menu. Artemis rolled his eyes.

"As you said before, I'm not a very nice person."

"Your earl tea sir," said the waiter, placing the cup in front of the boy. Artemis nodded his thanks as the waiter placed a glass of orange juice in front of Holly. Holly thanked him; he gave her a warm smile which she returned. Artemis tried to smile as well but it looked more a grimace then a smile. The waiter seemed a tad spooked as the grimace turned into a vampire smile.

"Thank you very much," said Artemis, nodding at his tea. "We are ready to order." The waiter nodded and pulled out his notebook.

"Yes?" he inquired. Artemis's eyes bored into the poor waiter as he ordered.

"I would like caviar with a Caesar salad as a side and Holly…"

"Holly would love to have Caesar salad and a Margarita pizza please," Holly said on cue.

"Medium or large pizza?"

"Medium."

"Alright, it should be ready in about twenty minutes. Give me a call if you need anything else," said the waiter, addressing Holly more than Artemis. "Oh, and the dance floor will be running from eight 'til midnight." Holly nodded excitedly, Artemis rolled his eyes. Like Artemis Fowl would ever dance. The waiter left, giving Holly a sympathetic glance. Artemis turned back to his date and chuckled; it would take him a while to get used to that. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Do you always terrorise the waiters?" Holly asked. Artemis laughed again.

"No, only when I think it's necessary," he replied, smirking at the memory of a certain episode with a waitress in London. Holly rolled her eyes.

"What did you do, Artemis?" she asked him.

"Well, she did offer me the children's menu," he said.

"And that's a reason to scare her?"

"I was thirteen," he said. Holly smiled; he had matured in some ways at least. Artemis continued. "Which is far too old for a children's menu," he said. Holly sighed.

"When will you learn, Artemis?" she asked. "You don't yell at people for being nice. What did you say to the poor girl?" Artemis shrugged.

"Well, I did insult the food," he said. "I said that the children's menu tastes better than the food on it." He smiled sheepishly and looked at his mug as Holly glared at him.

"When was this?" she asked.

"As I said, when I was thirteen; I was meeting a certain someone in London." He glanced sideways at Holly who decided that the conversation should and would stop there.

"Have you ever been to the Stonehenge?" she asked. Artemis nodded, unsure where this was going.

"It's a very interesting ancient structure. I, myself have come to the concl…"

"It's a pizza parlour," interrupted Holly. "It's infested by fairies, mostly gnomes every year singing the pizza song; but the food is fantastic, if not a little greasy." Artemis raised an eyebrow.

"A pizza parlour?" he asked. Holly nodded.

"Yes, just under the Stonehenge, beside the shuttle port.

"What's the pizza song?" asked Artemis. Holly shuddered.

"You don't want to know."

"Yes I do; that's why I asked," said Artemis. "What's the pizza song?" he asked again. Holly sighed dramatically.

"It's a song that is usually sung on Bog's day (A day that celebrates the gnome who invented pizza's first day as a pizza guy) and it has 114 verses which all have terrible rhymes." Holly shuddered. "And mention terrible food."

"How does it go?" asked Artemis. Holly sighed again.

"The first verse goes:

'_Pizza, pizza,_

_Fill up your face_

_The thicker the pastry_

_The better the base_' It gets worse," she said. Artemis nodded, and stared at her, alerting her to the fact that he wanted her to continue. She didn't bother singing as the tune was horrendously 'untuneful'.

"Well some other verse goes something like:

'_Pizza, pizza_

_It's a scream_

_Tastes the best with_

_Pizza flavoured ice cream._"

"Pizza flavoured ice cream?" asked Artemis, cringing at the thought. Holly nodded.

"It's disgusting, Mulch made me try it when we were working together back before Hybras," said Holly, showing her distaste by mocking throwing up. Artemis laughed.

"Well in that case, I think that this conversation is going downhill and will conclude in an uncomfortable silence where both parties are trying not to vomit," said Artemis. That sort of silence followed; broken by the waiter bringing their meals. Holly kept her lunch in her mouth by wolfing down the Caesar salad. The waiter, amused by this sudden display of hunger, momentarily forgot that he was meant to be afraid of Artemis.

"Hungry huh?" he asked the boy. "Didn't feed her too well today?" Artemis could have frowned and made a rude repost, but being the gentleman he was, refrained and remembered what Holly had said earlier.

"She's had a difficult day," he quipped. The waiter seemed relieved by his non-harassed state and put it down to the hormonal teenager being hungry; it affected his son too.

As soon as the waiter had left, Artemis began to nibble at his Caesar salad. Any other occupant of the restaurant would have had to hold in laughter as the male ate delicately and the woman, surprisingly made no mess at all as the food disappeared very quickly into her mouth.

Once Holly finished, she glanced longingly at the dance floor which was now occupied by two couples doing a slow dance to 'Earth Angel' reminding her of the Mudman film 'Back To The Future'. She must have sat there, staring at the dance floor for a long time as when she looked back at Artemis, the usually slow eater was finished and staring at her with a weird expression on his face.

"What's that look meant to mean?" she asked him. Artemis jumped about a foot in the air in shock.

"Sorry," he apologised. "What were you saying?" Holly rolled her eyes.

"I just asked what that look was meant to be but you seemed so lost in thought that I don't think it matters anymore," she said, waving away the conversation with her hand.

Then she noticed Artemis was still lost in thought. "What's wrong Arty?"

"It's just that… Holly," Artemis whispered, getting off his chair and kneeling beside Holly. "Will you marry me?" Holly was amazed for a few moments, he was only 15! She was about to answer when she felt someone shake her shoulder, she turned to see Artemis shaking it gently, she looked back to where the kneeling Artemis was a few seconds ago, in his place was a pot plant. Holly felt a wave of relaxation settle over her when she realised that she had been day dreaming. But she tensed again slightly as she felt a twang of disappointment; he was only fifteen for the Gods' sake. Why was she feeling disappointed? There were many years left yet.

_Be patient, _she told herself. _He will propose when he wants to. _

_If he wants to, _said a small voice in her head. But she pointedly ignored it and turned to Artemis, who was waiting patiently; if not anxiously.

"Are you alright, Holly?" he asked. Holly nodded.

"Sorry about that, I had a disturbing daydream," she said. Artemis smirked slightly having already figured out the nature of it.

"What sort of disturbing daydream?"

"Oh, just disturbing," said Holly, absently. Artemis sighed having realised that she was still staring longingly at the dance floor.

"You want to dance don't you?" he asked, afraid of the answer.

"Yes, I would," she answered. Artemis let out a breath slowly and stood up.

"Holly Short, can I take this dance?" he said. Holly smiled, taking his offered hand.

"I would love to," she answered. Artemis professionally lead her to the dance floor and listened for the next song to start to know what dance to do it to. The DJ told them that it would be 'Let's Dance' by Miley Cyrus and was going to start in two minutes. Artemis groaned, just his luck to get a pop song that he had never heard of. Luckily for him, Holly knew the song, and what dance style to do.

"The cha-cha," she said, and began to instruct him through a basic cha-cha. Artemis picked it up quickly and got himself into a more comfortable leading position as the introduction started. To his immense astonishment, Holly started to sing.

_The weekends almost done,_

_The moon is low in the sky,_

_I feel like going out,_

_Before the night passes by,_

_I won't just sit around,_

_When life becomes a drag, _

_I dance. _

And that is when they started to dance, quite well too for a rookie and a recon jock. When the verse started, Artemis was surprised some more, as Holly pulled of some impressive moves while singing.

_I like the beat_

_I like the boom_

_I need guitar_

_I like the drums when they go boom, boom, boom. _

_Let's dance_

_In the weekends, what the night is all about_

_Let's dance_

_Grab your girlfriends grab your boyfriends,_

_Sweat it out and let's dance (move your whole body, let's start a party)_

_Too much rock for one girl can make her go crazy,_

_I need some boy to dance with me baby_

_Dance. _

They kept on dancing the cha-cha and singing in Holly's case through the next verse and chorus. When the instrumental started, that's when Artemis showed what he was made of, successfully completing a couple of complicated spins. Holly was enjoying herself so much that she allowed herself to be lead around the floor by Artemis.

The song finally finished and Artemis was rewarded, by the DJ announcing that the next song was by David Bowie. Not one that he was familiar with, but David Bowie all the same. It relaxed him to hear the familiar voice of his favourite artist. Holly, even less familiar with the song, was less excitable then Artemis who was swinging her round the floor in an interesting slow dance that he seemed to have made up on the spot. But then, this was Artemis Fowl she was dancing with, he probably wrote half the dances under different pseudonyms when he was five or something.

All this time Butler was watching from near the door. He didn't expect any dangers, but you never knew with Artemis. He was a magnet for it. Butler smiled as Holly convinced Artemis to dance and was pleasantly surprised to find that both of them were actually good dancers. He wasn't sure how long he spent standing there; watching them dance because what seemed to be a few minutes later, but was actually two hour; Holly and Artemis were at him side.

Butler smiled warmly down at them, waiting to hear how their evening was. But both proceeded to the car, neither looking at one another. Butler realised with shock that they must have had a fight.

* * *

**Sorry for the long disclaimer, the quote comes from the Lost Colony, the conversation between Foaly an Qwan about No1. I'm sorry i havent updated for a while, i've had exams. But they're over now so i can write as much as i want. **

**-Captain Short**


	10. The Fight

**Greetings Earthlings**

**I know this is extremely late, but time went too fast and I was whisked away on Christmas day to a planet with no internet. Also my laptop has been playing up and wouldnt let me use document manager without having a hissy fit. So this is my belated Christmas present to you. Enjoy! **

**WARNING: Mild OOCness found in two of the characters. If you want to enjoy the chapter, I would suggest that you overlook it. **

**Chapter 10: The Fight**

'Amore' didn't look as glamorous as it did at the beginning of the evening. The lights were dim; the wax from the candles had dripped all over the tables and in some places, on the floor. Many couples were leaving and the few that remained were doing slow dances around the dance floor.

Butler followed his charge and the captain back to the Bentley. Holly was in a very bad mood and Artemis was sulking. Even if Butler wasn't trained to be observant, he would have realised that Artemis must have caused the fight.

Instead of sharing the backseat, Artemis sat in the front, while Holly sat in the back, staring stubbornly out the window. Artemis followed her lead, leaving the atmosphere very awkward for the rest of the ride back to Fowl Manor.

As soon as they arrived, Holly rushed straight up to her bedroom while Artemis stood staring at her in shock. Butler came up behind him and placed his giant hands on Artemis's shoulders.

"What happened?" he asked in the gentlest voice the bodyguard could muster.

"I don't want to talk about it," said Artemis, frowning slightly. He then shrugged Butler's hands off his shoulders and walked with purpose up the stairs. At first Butler assumed that he was going to talk to Holly, but was proven wrong when he heard the infamous noise of Artemis's laptop alarm. Obviously Artemis had been so stressed that he had misspelt his password 'Holly' which was probably a reason on its own. Butler moved to the Security Booth to make sure that neither was trying to kill themselves or each other.

He turned on the spare computer and brought up the two bedrooms. Artemis, his face pained was typing furiously on his laptop. Holly, on the other hand was lying face down on her bed. It took Butler a few moments to realise that she was crying.

This was not good. He sighed and walked up to Artemis's room, if he got Artemis to go and talk to Holly, it would hopefully solve their argument.

On his way up, Butler found it more difficult than usual to climb the stairs. He was getting old, he should really retire and live in some nice seaside town where he could fish and read for the rest of his life.

Once he reached Artemis's door he paused, preparing himself. Was it the right thing to do? Was it something that they should sort out alone? What would Madame Ko do? Butler shuddered and knocked on the door.

Inside the room, Artemis had opened up his newest romance book that he was writing under the pseudonym 'Violet Tsiblou'. He hadn't written it for years. There really wasn't any point, what with the fact that before they were only little joys to get him some easy money. This time, he wrote more seriously, and because of his mood, made the two characters have a fight and break up. As he got into the more tense parts of the argument, Artemis couldn't help but let the furious tears roll down his cheeks. He loved Holly and to tell the truth, he wasn't really sure what he had done wrong.

When he heard a knock on the door, he thought it was Holly so ignored it. Then he heard a gruff voice on the other side.

"Artemis."

Artemis sighed, wiped the tears off his cheeks and opened the door. Butler stood at the door for a couple seconds to have a good look at his charge.

Artemis's eyes were red and swollen and his cheeks, although being dried still had the shiny quality found when tears have streamed down them. Artemis turned and started walking back to his desk. Butler acted quickly and grabbed his shoulder, leading him to the bed. Artemis tried to resist but as Butler was a trained killer, there really wasn't any point. As soon as Artemis was seated on the bed, Butler knelt in front of him.

"What happened?" he finally asked. Artemis looked down at his knees, a strained look visible on his face.

"I don't want to talk about it," he repeated. Butler rested a hand on his shoulder, using the other to turn Artemis's face upwards.

"Well it's not going to go away until you do," said Butler sternly, in a sort of gentle way. Artemis frowned.

"The problem, Butler, is that I am not entirely sure what I did wrong." Butler's lips twitched. It was probably the fact that he had never been in any situation such as this that he couldn't help but find it amusing. He quickly straightened his face as Artemis gave him a withered look. "As you are clearly enjoying yourself, Butler, why don't you go and cheer Holly up or something," said Artemis, having apparently recovered his cold composure. He lay down on the bed, closing his eyes and gently rubbing his temples.

"You must have some idea what started the argument," said Butler logically. Artemis's brow creased in thought, his eyes still closed.

"Well, we had danced for about an hour and a half and I was getting tired," he took a shaky breath. "Holly insisted that we danced another one. So I did, hoping that it was the last. But she continued to smile at me and explain what dance style we would do. I tried to tell her again, but she is very stubborn when she wants to be, and she got upset. I then tried to talk her into sitting down, but she used her full force of anger on me, telling me that I was selfish and didn't think of anyone but myself. I tried to tell her that all I wanted was a break but she continued yelling at me, she stormed off in your direction and I followed. And that's pretty much it." He opened his eyes to look at Butler's expression. Butler looked amused.

"Women," he said, rolling his eyes. Artemis looked at him quizzically.

"So, I didn't do anything wrong?" he asked cautiously. Butler shook his head.

"With my experience with Juliet, women want to have things when they want them which, in most cases is straight away. They don't want to wait. As soon as you break this law, she forgets what she wanted and just yells at the guy until she loses her voice, and then she storms away." Artemis raised a delicate eyebrow.

"And how does one get back into her good books?" he asked. Butler shrugged.

"It depends what she likes, for example, Juliet likes chocolate so I got her a few bags of pineapple lumps which are her favourite and are really expensive as they have to be shipped from New Zealand," he added to himself. Artemis thought for a moment.

"Well Holly likes pizza," he said. Butler patted him on the shoulder.

"Well, if you want her in a good mood on Christmas, maybe you could stoop low enough to buy pizza for lunch." He gave him a slightly amused smile then walked out of the room, leaving Artemis to his thoughts. Artemis sighed deeply and lay back down again on his bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

Holly, in her room, was exhausted. The events of the night were catching up to her and she was starting to regret yelling at Artemis. He had only wanted a break. The more she thought about it, the worse she felt but nothing would make her go to his room and apologise, it was part of her stubborn nature. But the feeling of longing grew more and more and the thought that she had wrecked their relationship was overpowering. So she ended up face down on her bed crying. Not particularly her style, but she was upset.

When she heard a subtle knock on the door, she decided to ignore it. She did not want to face Artemis at the moment, no way. The door opened anyway.

"Go away, I'm not in the mood to talk," she said, not daring to look up.

"What if it isn't Artemis?" asked a deep burly voice. Holly rolled over onto her back to face Butler.

"Then I may be able to make an exception," she said. Butler sat down on the end of the bed. The Eurasian then noticed that Holly's mascara was streaked down from her eyes and that her usual coffee complexion was a sickly-sparkly-greenish tinge, an unfortunate consequence of the eye shadow.

"You want to get back with him, don't you?" he asked, cutting straight to the chase as usual. Holly rolled back over.

"Yes," she sobbed into her pillow. Butler sighed and patted her on the leg.

"Well, why don't you go and talk to him?" he asked, turning Holly around to face him again. She looked at the wall.

"Because I can't," she said.

"Why not?"

"It just doesn't work that way." Butler sighed and took a different angle.

"Have you seen the state that he is in?" he asked. Holly shook her head.

"No…"

"Did you hear his laptop alarm go off?" he asked. Holly shook her head, confused. "Well it was him typing his password in wrong, that's how distressed he is, he NEVER gets his password wrong. He then started writing his cheesy romance novel again," he said, eyeing Holly sternly to see her reaction, not getting the desired one, he continued. "He wrote about the characters having a major argument, causing a break up." Butler then came to the bit where it meant the most. "While he was typing it, he couldn't stop his emotions, so he was crying at the same time." Holly sat up sharply, knowing that Artemis only cried when he was extremely upset or happy.

"What!" she exclaimed. Butler smiled as she completely forgot her own problems and ran to Artemis's bedroom. Butler followed closely behind, grinning happily. If this continued, Artemis would be forgiven by Christmas day, which was less than a minute away. Holly threw open the door and stood in the doorway, looking at her sleeping boyfriend. She smiled and the feeling of regret and annoyance at everything that had gone wrong in that evening was whipped away. She moved slowly to the bed and sat down next to Artemis's head.

"I forgive you," she whispered. Artemis stirred slightly in his sleep as if he had heard, murmuring one word.

"Holly." Holly smiled and looked at the clock. 12:00 exactly.

'Merry Christmas," she whispered, lying down beside him and falling asleep instantly.

Butler stood in the doorway, watching the two, his 'doting grandfather' expression on his face again. Artemis was forgiven, and hopefully they wouldn't have to have pizza for Christmas.

Artemis, though looking calm and stoic, was actually kind and sensitive on the inside and had only showed that side of him to two people, Holly and Butler. That was what proved to the bodyguard that what Artemis and Holly were feeling for each other was not the usual girlfriend boyfriend stunt. It was love. And despite all that Butler had learnt from others, he still believed that _love actually_ was found in everyone, even if they were the ugliest, most stupid people in the world. Butler shuddered, remembering something that Foaly had said about goblins. "They may be ugly, and you may think that only mothers could love them, but you should see the rate that they reproduce!"

Butler shuddered again, trying to focus his mind on something else. Luckily the scene before him did so.

Artemis had wrapped his arm around the sleeping elf, moaning her name again. Butler smiled. This was perfect scene. Then his smile turned upside-down. He better not let the others see this. He closed the door quietly and headed for his own bedroom.

_Love Actually, _he thought once he was in bed. _I love that movie. _And the last thought that crossed his mind before he began to dream was: _lobsters. _

**Ok, for those poor deprived children who have not seen Love Actually, It is the best romantic comedy ever made. When Butler thought 'Lobsters' it would be because one of the best parts of the movie was a child going up to her mum announcing that the parts for their Nativity Play at school had been announced. **

**Her mum (Emma Thompson) asks; 'Oh, so who are you'. **

'**I'm the lobster' her daughter replies. **

'**The lobster?" asks the mum, just to make sure she had heard right. **

'**The **_**first **_**lobster," corrects her daughter. **

'**There was more than one lobster present at the birth of baby Jesus?' asks the mum. **

**And then the daughter replies; 'Duh.' **

**It is one of the funniest scenes in the whole movie, which is saying something. You have to see it to actually get it, but wait 'til you are over 12 at least, it's rated M and is **_**not for children**_**.**

**And on a completely unrelated topic, Happy New Year! I hope you all enjoyed your Christmas!**

**I hope to update soon, I give you all the right to pester me if this isn't updated by next week. **

**Live long and prosper!**

**-Captain Short *murmers something that sounds suspiciously like 'beam me up Scotty' and disapears in a blue flash of light***


	11. Christmas Day

**Oh my gods, I'm sooo sorry it took so long. I'm failing Chemistry. There only one excuse, I'll let you read the chapter now. Please don't kill me!**

**Christmas Day**

When Artemis awoke on Christmas morning, something he hadn't realised before became very clear; this was his first Christmas with his family since he came back from Limbo, meaning it was also his first Christmas with his younger brothers. Why it was so clear when he woke up was because; One: He was very tired, alerting him to the fact that it was still very early in the morning and, Two: The twins were both jumping on top of him. He groaned, rolling over onto his front, shoving his head under his pillow.

"Lemelone," he mumbled intelligently. He felt something stir beside him. He rolled onto his side to see Holly waking up.

"Stab Koboi in the heart!" she blurted, then realised her surroundings.

"Is that something you usually shout about when you wake up in the morning?" Artemis asked, amused.

"No, I was just having a very pleasant dream when I was rudely awakened by your brothers." Artemis turned onto his back.

"Beckett! Myles!" he shouted. "We are awake. Can you get off us please?" Myles grudgingly got off and pulled Beckett off with him.

"Come on Beckett cowpoog," he said. Myles had overheard Holly calling Artemis a 'cowpóg' and had decided to use it on Beckett. The twins then left the room, allowing Artemis and Holly to have a much needed conversation.

"Sorry," they both blurted at once after a very awkward silence. Artemis smiled slightly, sure he had figured it out for himself (she had woken up in his bed), but it was nice hearing from her.

"I mean," continued Holly. "It wasn't your fault, I was being unreasonable. I should have let you have a break." Artemis opened his mouth to speak, but Holly put her tiny finger over his lips having transformed back into an elf overnight. "You don't have to apologise for anything," she said stubbornly. "You didn't do anything wrong." Artemis was still looking cross eyed at her finger.

"Mmamhmmhamm," he attempted. Holly laughed, removing her finger.

"Yes Artemis?" she asked. Artemis grinned in relief.

"I was just telling you to move your finger, how am I meant to kiss you when there is a finger obstructing my lips?" He then rolled over so that he was hovering above her, waiting for a sign from her to allow him to continue. She smiled up at him, the only sign he needed.

Artemis brought his lips down to meet hers, a happy moment for both man and elf. Holly deepened the kiss, propping herself up on her elbow to get closer to him.

"Ewww! Artemis cowpoog is snogging Holly!" yelled an unnecessarily loud voice.

"Yucky!" joined in another. Artemis ignored the twins, flipping over onto his back, so that Holly was on top of him, not once did he break the kiss.

"Artemis simpletoon!!" yelled Beckett, having not moved on to the next name that Myles had discovered.

Artemis was about to protest to the name calling when he heard his name being called from outside the door. He quickly rolled off the bed and made himself look presentable, making sure Holly did the same. Luckily they were wearing what they wore last night, so Holly didn't have to go to her room to change (Though she did have to quickly rub off the mascara that had run onto cheeks the previous night.)

"Yes?" Artemis called once Holly had got most of it off. The door was opened by Artemis Senior.

"Do you want to come down to the living room? You can open you presents down there." He then noticed Holly. "You two didn't..?" he started. Artemis shook his head.

"Of course not, father. I'm only fifteen, you didn't expect me to behave so…" he stopped, leaving the sentence unfinished.

"Good," said Artemis I. 'Make your way down when you're ready. Artemis smiled at Holly and taking her hand, they made their way down to the living room, lead by the twins who were obviously very excited about the presents that they would no doubt be receiving.

If you looked up the word 'Christmas' in an English dictionary, you would usually get something along the lines of: 'A Christian holiday celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, the day where young children believe that 'Santa Claus', named after Saint Nicolas gives presents to good children and neglects the bad. Also the day where one gives and receives gifts.'

But if you looked 'Christmas' up in a Gnommish dictionary, you would get many different definitions, mostly involving how Sant D'Klass became broke and how one could avoid doing so themselves. It also has a long and complicated list on why one should be wary opening Christmas presents because it is a tradition amongst the people to put a trick in the present they are giving, Christmas becoming a day corresponding very closely to April fool's day. It then has a list of gags that are commonly found in Christmas presents. For example; the exploding box, ribbon that won't untie or wrapping paper that won't unwrap, jack-in-the-boxes often found with the head of someone the receiver fears, biting shoes, strangling hosiery…etc…by their fifth Christmas, many members of The People neglect opening some presents altogether for their own safety. Luckily for most, by their fifth Christmas, many have also got the gist of how it works and often give very explosive gifts.

Unfortunately for Artemis, he hadn't read the Gnommish dictionary, so he didn't know that he had to be careful with the gifts he was receiving from his fairy friends. So ended up with ash all over his face, and soaking wet clothes as the consequences of opening Foaly and Mulch's gifts. So when he got to Holly's he was very careful opening it so it wouldn't blow up or something. Instead he was pleasantly surprised. Holly had found him a nice new pair of mirrored Aviator sunglasses to avoid getting mesmerised by fairies since his last pair had been damaged in his run from Opal in the Cessna. He thanked Holly with a kiss and watched her open her present from him.

"Holy Frond," Holly murmured, holding up a necklace. It was obviously gold and very expensive as it had a solid gold pendant in the shape of an oak tree with a diamond acorn in the centre. She looked at him to thank him, but found that Artemis was covered in cream, his brothers' lovely gift.

"Eh, thanks guys," he said sarcastically, glaring at Mulch.

"What the… what did I...?" he said indignantly. Artemis raised an eyebrow.

"Just as I thought," he said. "Unfinished sentences, a sure sign of guilt." Mulch tried again.

"The pony did it!" he exclaimed. Artemis made _tutting_ noising with his tongue.

"Foaly and Mulch, I though you two knew better." Everyone could tell that he was more amused than angry, much to the dwarf and centaur's relief. Artemis rolled his eyes in very scary similarity to Holly, turning back to face his elfin girlfriend.

"Now, Holly," he said. "Do you approve of your Christmas present?" Holly smiled and nodded.

"Did you think I'd throw it at your head or something?" she asked, obviously amused. Artemis chuckled under his breath.

"I never know. After all, you have punched me numerous times." Holly's smile faded, as if remembering something.

"Artemis, did you by this before we, you know..?"

"Got together?" Artemis supplied. "Yes I did." Holly frowned, thinking.

"But we were only friends…"

"Very good friends," interrupted Artemis. "I thought this might give you a subtle hint if we weren't together by this time." Holly nodded, smiling again.

"Right," she said, pulling a box out of her pocket. "This is for you from Foaly, he wanted me to give it to you." Artemis took the box, thanking her.

"_Di immortales,_" he murmured in ancient Greek once he had opened it. Foaly had obviously put a lot of thought into the gift.

It was a simple ring, silver and covered in diamonds. But that wasn't what surprised Artemis; it was the note on top of the box:

_This is your new communicator to replace your old one. It produces a life sized hologram of Holly when you ring her and she has one just like it. Use well. _

"Foaly made it. He thought you might get sick of wearing the big ring all the time," said Holly, gesturing at the ring on Artemis's middle finger on his left hand. He pulled if off and put it into his trouser pocket, sliding the new ring onto the same finger. It fit perfectly.  
"Thank you," he murmured, staring at the ring in wonder. Foaly's inventions never ceased to amaze the boy. Holly then put her ring on her right middle finger.

"I'm a right hander," she said. "I always put jewellery on the hand I write with." Artemis nodded.

"That makes sense. I am ambidextrous though I prefer my left," he said, as if everyone was ambidextrous. Holly smiled.

"That doesn't surprise me one bit," she said. Artemis grinned, twisting the finger round on his finger and then glancing around to see what the others got. Holly hadn't opened her presents from Foaly, Mulch and the twins which Artemis thought was very wise. The twins got a huge pile of presents each making it almost impossible for Artemis to single out one thing they got. His parents, on the other hand, were not present in the room, must to Artemis's disappointment, perhaps it was too early or they had gone to get Beckett his espresso and treacle for a Christmas treat.

"Arty, come out here," called Artemis's father from the hall. Artemis stood up and left the room, Holly following behind him. Artemis Senior was standing in the main doorway, blocking Artemis's way through.

"Artemis," he said. "Your present from your mother and I is waiting outside." Artemis tried to see, but his father stood higher. "You'll need these," Artemis I said, throwing Artemis II some keys. Artemis caught it adroitly, studying the two key rings with interest. The first, a gold plated circle with the words: 'Aurum potestas est' engraved on it made him glance sideways at his father, his father hadn't used that saying for a few years now. He turned back to his present. The second key chain was a prancing horse with the letters 'S' and 'F' below it. There were three buttons, one under the 'S' and 'F' which, when pressed made a key slide out from the inside of the key chain and the other two on the bottom, the top, a closed lock, and the bottom, an open lock. Artemis grinned up at Artemis Senior.

"Thanks Dad," he said. Artemis Senior smiled and let his son past. Artemis mouth dropped open as soon as he saw it.

It was bright red with grey racing stripes along the front, the sun reflecting off the frost covered surface, the word 'ARTEMIS' on the number plate, and the best of all, the same emblem on the key ring on the smooth red surface was staring back at him from the bonnet.

"A Ferrari," said a voice behind him. "That is so typical of your family." Artemis turned to see Holly, her arms crossed, leaning against the doorframe.

"Not just any Ferrari," he replied. "A Ferrari 430 Scuderia powered by a 4.3 litre V8 engine. It can go 0-60 miles in 3.1 seconds."

"Car enthusiast, are we?' asked Holly sarcastically. "Well stop your gaping so we can have a ride in this thing." Artemis opened the car and settled into the driver's seat, gripping the steering wheel nervously. He waited for Holly to get into the passenger seat before he spoke.

"I've never driven before." Holly covered her mouth with her hand to stop herself from laughing.

"Yet you have a car," she said once she had composed herself. Artemis fought back a glare.

"Yes I do." He sighed and inserted the key into the ignition. "I mean. I've read enough about it; I know exactly what to do. I even have a driver's licence."

"A fake one no doubt," Holly pointed out. Artemis nodded.

"For emergencies," he said. "But, back to my problem. I've never actually driven anywhere." Holly grinned.

"Well I'd better buckle up, we have a learner at the wheel," she said.

"A learner?" Artemis asked.

"Yes a learner, I'm going to teach you." Artemis gulped and put his seatbelt on. This wasn't going to end well.

**OK, I know took forever and i'm away on camp this week, so hopefully i'll be able to update next weekend.**


	12. Shut Up and Drive

Sorry it's so late. I'm failing Chem so I have an excuse. This is dedicated to one of my bffs, Loliver Fanfiction (GO LOLIVER!), yes, we are addicted to Hannah Montana. I know i know, I'm fifteen, get over it. Loliver is LOVE! Anyway, here's the chapter. Hope you enjoy.

Live long and prosper

* * *

**Shut Up and Drive**

"Wahoo!" Holly yelled, throwing her hands into the air. "That's what I'm talking about!" Artemis grinned at her and pushed his foot harder on the accelerator, cranking up their speed to 150km/h which was pretty good for a rookie. They sped along the motorway, the Scud, accelerating at an unbelievable rate. Good thing their hair was so short, otherwise it would have blown everywhere in the extreme wind coming straight at them. Holly casually leant back in her seat, putting her arm over Artemis's head rest.

"So," she said. "Do you think we'll be pulled up at this speed?" Artemis shrugged.

"Probably," he replied. "But you need to remember that this is the car that my _father _got me. He will have done something to it to avoid me getting caught by the cops." Holly smiled ruefully, there were times that she found it difficult to keep her policeman side to herself when Artemis was breaking the law, but hopefully he would get his just desserts.

The next thing they heard was a siren. At first, Artemis ignored it, claiming it to be running after a criminal. But then he heard it directly behind him, the familiar 'pull over' coming from the loud speaker. Artemis sighed and did as he was told, pulling over onto the grass on the side of the motorway. The young cop parked behind them and came round to the Scud.

"Excuse me sir," he said. "But are you aware of what speed you were going at?" Artemis tried acting innocent.

"Yes," he replied. "Why? I wasn't speeding was I?" he asked, his face perfectly portraying a non-guilty citizen. The cop pulled out a device that Artemis immediately recognised as a hand held speedometer.

"You were going at 200km/h," the young man said. "That's double the speed limit." Artemis's eyes widened as if he really was surprised.

"Really?" he asked. "I was told by my teacher that that was the speed limit." The cop put away the device and pulled out a notebook instead.

"What was your teacher's name?" he asked. "They sound like someone who's just asking to be put away for a few years. Oh and what's your name" Artemis smirked slightly; it was time to get his own back. He quickly wiped the smirk off his face and replaced it with an innocent smile.

"I'm Artemis Fowl the second. My good friend Damon Kronski was my teacher," he said. "He came over here to teach me." Holly smirked behind him, Kronski was bound to remember the ten year old Artemis who spoilt his life and now, he would be discovered by the police and found out for other things that he had done in the past. He would hopefully be thrown into jail for a good few years.

The policeman hummed and hahed, writing down something in his notebook. He looked back up at them.

"We have quite a file on our friend, Damon," he said. "There have been many rumours that he has been involved with extinctionists." Artemis raised his eyebrows and turned to look at Holly.

"We thought that everyone knew that," he said innocently, then opened his mouth in fake shock. "Oh no, he told us not to tell anyone. He said that he'd kill us." The policeman scribbled something down.

"That he'd kill you?" he asked. "That could add another few years onto his sentence." Artemis inwardly grinned; this little encounter was going completely his way.

"Really?" he asked. The officer nodded, putting his notebook away.

"Yes," he said. "Thank you, Master Fowl. You've been great help." He smiled and went back to his car, driving away as fast as he had come. Artemis looked at Holly. They sat there for a few moments, their lips twitching, but they couldn't hold it in anymore and collapsed into fits of hysterical laughter.

"That," Holly choked, "was _awesome_." Artemis, having composed himself already and beginning to drive at a much slower speed, just raised an eyebrow at her.

"Really, Holly," he said. "'Awesome'?" Holly nodded, gripping her side.

"Awesome." She then groaned. "Great, now I have a stitch."

"Obviously, the build up of lactic acid is often found after excess laughing." Holly rolled her eyes.

"Lactic acid?" she asked. "You sound like my old physics teacher."

"Biology," Artemis corrected. "And if you are going to complain about something, you may as well use its proper name."

"What," Holly said. "You expect me to say that lactic acid has built up in my stomach?"

"No," said Artemis patiently. "I'd expect you to say that lactic acids have built up in your external oblique." Holly sighed dramatically.

"Why are we even having this conversation?" she asked. Artemis shrugged.

"I don't know," he said. "Maybe to distract us from seeing the policeman that is following us." Holly glanced behind them. Sure enough a cop was following them, at a safe distance, but definitely following.

"We're not speeding, are we?" she asked nervously. Artemis shook his head.

"No," he replied. "But we were and the young man who pulled us over seemed awfully suspicious. He must have contacted another officer who is now tailing us…" The police car's bonnet narrowly missed the Scuderia's boot. "Very closely," the teenager said, swiftly changing gears. "Be prepared for a car chase." Holly sighed and steadied herself.

"Just promise me one thing," she said. Artemis glanced sideways at her. "Don't kill us please." Artemis grinned.

"I'll try my best," he said. He then pushed his foot hard on the accelerator.

The Ferrari jolted forward, the police car following closely behind. Artemis's face was contorted with concentration as he changed gears. They swerved in and out of cars and trucks. It was now a fully fledged car chase, the police car's siren blaring behind them. But the policeman had an advantage. Because of his three year absence, Artemis was not aware of the new motorway and therefore didn't know of the dead end coming up. He didn't notice it until it was only metres in front of him. He screeched to a stop, breathing hard. The policeman pulled up behind him, stomping up to them.

"Look kid," he said. "It's one thing to speed and blame it on someone else, but it's another thing to create a car chase on a busy motorway." Artemis knew that he was finished.

"I know," he said. "I'm sorry to cause all this trouble. I promise not to do it again." The policeman looked slightly taken aback.

"You are?" he asked. He then frowned. "But that is no excuse. Where's your licence?" Artemis pulled out his wallet and flicked to the appropriate card, slipping it from its case.

"Here you go." The policeman studied it, his face very serious. He reminded Artemis of Kurt at the bank where he got the _Fairy Thief_.

"This says that you're eighteen, you don't look a day over fifteen," he said.

"Oh that's because I a..." Artemis started, then his eyes widened. "D'Arvit." The policeman looked at him quizzically.

"It's OK," the policeman said sarcastically. "You were just stuck in Limbo for three years and when you came home you were still younger and you magicked everyone to think that nothing had happened." When he said 'magicked', he twiddled his fingers in a little circle.

"Well, actually…" Holly started. Artemis quickly interrupted her.

"No, no," he said. "Sorry officer, there's been some sort of mistake, I am only fifteen, I don't know why it says that I'm eighteen." The officer frowned even more.

"Well we're going to have to bring you to the police station to be interrogated. We'll call your parents there." Artemis began to panic.

"But officer," he said. "It's Christmas day. My parents are busy with my little brothers…"

"And a centaur I'd expect," the officer butted in, rolling his eyes. "Now let's go without any kicking and screaming. The sergeant is on his Christmas break so I'm in charge so don't expect any easy treatment from me." He hooked the Ferrari to the back of his police car and drove them to the station.

"This is preposterous," Artemis grumbled, his hands held behind his back by hand cuffs. Holly looked similarly displeased. She was a police officer, not a criminal. The irony was just sickening. She rattled the chains in disgust.

"A pity these aren't locked by a code. We would be out of here in no time," she said. Artemis frowned; he did not like their current situation.

They were sitting in a holding cell, waiting for the policeman to come back with a psychologist.

"It's OK, Holly," Artemis said. "I'll get us out of here." Holly sighed, leaning her head against the cool cell wall.

"I know you will, Arty," she said. "But to what expense? Will I be exposed as an elf?" Artemis shook his head.

"That won't happen," he said. "In my back pocket there is a bottle of the humanizing substance, you better drink it fast." Holly managed to get the bottle out of his pocket OK and opened, but it became problematic when she had to drink it. Her hands were cuffed behind her back so she couldn't pour it into her mouth. After a lot of swearing and awkward positioning, Artemis managed to pour it behind him into her mouth. Holly changed immediately, growing to a more appropriate size.

"Well that solves your problem," Artemis said once she had grown to full size. "But we still have the problem of getting out of here without them consulting my parents." Holly looked at him sympathetically; she would have hugged him if she could. He looked so desperate to avoid trouble. She shifted over slightly so she was beside him.

"I know that I can't do much in that front," she said. "But I can make you feel a little better." She then gave him a gentle kiss. Artemis closed his eyes and kissed her softly back, letting out the breath that he had been holding.

"We better stay alert," he said finally. "They should be here to pick me up any minute."

Sure enough, the officer unlocked the cell door and Artemis was lead to the interrogations room while Holly was left by herself in the cold, damp cell.

The interrogation room was small, with brownish-grey walls and no doors or windows except for the locked door into the room and a one way window which was conjoined to another small room where the psychologist studied the criminal. There were two chairs facing each other in the middle of the room, and in between these was a glass panel. Artemis was brought in and sat down in one of the chairs while the police officer sat in the other, a scowl still on his face.

"Now kid," he said, "you wanna tell me the truth?" Artemis rolled his eyes. The guy was treating him like an infant.

"I already have officer," he said. "Perhaps you do not know me. I am Artemis Fowl the Second. I was missing for three years, apparently it spread over the whole globe." The policeman glared at him.

"Yes I have heard of you," he said. "We were searching for you for two of those three years." Artemis smiled sincerely for the first time since he had been brought in; the sight slightly unnerved the police officer.

"And in the end," he said. "It was my bodyguard who found me. And he will find me again." The officer's brow creased in confusion. This kid was crazy.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean," Artemis continued. "That he is here right now, he is going to save me and make you forget about all of this."

"But…"

"There are no buts, officer," Artemis interrupted. "It is the truth." He raised his arms to shoulder height, his wrists mysteriously freed from the cuffs."See you at The End." He then disappeared. The last thing the officer remembered before he fainted was a slight heat haze heading for the door and Artemis's final sentence echoing repeatedly through his mind.

* * *

Kudos for those who have figured out what had happened. CALLING ALL AUTHORS! I need some help. What could be a really annoying nickname for Trouble Kelp besides 'Trubs'?

And in the wise words of Chad Dillan Cooper

'Peace out suckers!'


	13. So Long, Farewell, Auf Weidersehen

**It's been so long and I apologize for that. I won't come up with some lame excuse except that I've become to lazy and too busy rereading the Atlantis Complex first chapter. I'm dedicating this chapter to my friend, Loliver Fanfiction who SHOULD BE READING THIS and to Eoin Colfer who's birthday was a couple of days ago on the 14th. HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE EOIN! Not that he's reading this of course. **

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* * *

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**Previously in Christmas With a Difference...**

Artemis gets a Ferrari Scuderia...and speeds.

"So," Holly said. "Do you think we'll be pulled up at this speed?" Artemis shrugged.

"Probably," he replied. "But you need to remember that this is the car that my _father _got me. He will have done something to it to avoid me getting caught by the cops."

The next thing they heard was a siren.

Artemis tries to talk his way out of it...

"I was told by my teacher that that was the speed limit."

The Police falls for it...

"What was your teacher's name?" he asked. "They sound like someone who's just asking to be put away for a few years."

And Artemis remembers an old friend...

"My good friend Damon Kronski," he replied. "He came over here to teach me."

Again the policeman falls for it...

"Thank you, Master Fowl. You've been great help."

But another policeman catches them and Artemis creates a car chase, throwing him and Holly into a cell...

"It's OK, Holly," Artemis said. "I'll get us out of here." Holly sighed, leaning her head against the cool cell wall.

"I know you will, Arty," she said. "But to what expense? Will I be exposed as an elf?" Artemis shook his head.

"That won't happen," he said. "In my back pocket there is a bottle of the humanizing substance, you better drink it fast."

And Artemis gets interrogated but makes it go his way...

"Now kid," the policeman said, "you wanna tell me the truth?"

"I already have officer," Artemis replied. "Perhaps you do not know me. I am Artemis Fowl the Second. I was missing for three years, apparently it spread over the whole globe."

"Yes I have heard of you," the officer said. "We were searching for you for two of those three years."

Artemis smiled sincerely for the first time since he had been brought in; the sight slightly unnerved the police officer.

"And in the end," he said. "It was my bodyguard who found me. And he will find me again." The officer's brow creased in confusion. This kid was crazy.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean," Artemis continued. "That he is here right now, he is going to save me and make you forget about all of this."

"But…"

"There are no buts, officer," Artemis interrupted. "It is the truth."

He raised his arms to shoulder height, his wrists mysteriously freed from the cuffs.

"See you at The End." He then disappeared. The last thing the officer remembered before he fainted was a slight heat haze heading for the door and Artemis's final sentence echoing repeatedly through his mind.

And finally the chapter...

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So Long, Farewell Auf Wiedersehen Goodbye

**A Police Holding Cell somewhere near the city of Dublin 8:30 am (The Fowl family got up early thanks to the twins remember)**

"This is so _annoying_," Holly grumbled, trying to wriggle her hands out from her handcuffs. It was in vain. There really wasn't any point, as she grew; her wrists had become even more stuck in the cuffs. "Argh," she groaned, squatting down on the hard, cool floor. "If only Butler were here." A grin spread across her face. "Butler, Domovoi." She said into her watch. It was a hidden communicator, powered by fusion and voice activated, so when she said Butler's name, it automatically called him.

"Butler, it's Holly," she said. "We're having a bit of a problem."

Back in Fowl Manor, Butler frowned. "What kind of problem?"

"One involving Artemis getting interrogated by the police," Holly answered.

"Where are you?"

"In a cell, my watch is a voice activated communicator," she said. They then discussed the best plan of action, concluding in a much happier Holly and a very worried Butler.

* * *

**Interrogation's Room 9:00**

"Now kid, you wanna tell me the truth?" asked the policeman. Butler winced as the naive policeman glanced in his general direction.

"I already have, officer," replied Artemis. Behind him, knelt Butler covered in camfoil, trying to unlock Artemis's handcuffs without the policeman noticing. He picked at the lock with a hairpin he had taken from Juliet's Fowl Manor room. Artemis wriggled his wrists expectantly, somehow managing to make his hands smaller. Finally, Artemis's hands were free. Butler caught the cuffs before they hit the ground, stuffing them under the camfoil. Artemis then lifted his arms.

"See you at The End," he said. The words sent shivers down Butler's spine, but he knew what to do. Just as the last word left Artemis's lips, Butler threw the edge of the camfoil over the boy, covering both of them. Artemis glanced around, he realised that the psychologist was lying unconscious in the conjoined room and the policeman had just keeled over onto his face.

"Never again," said a voice. "I am _never _going to let you speed on the surface again." Holly then flickered into the visible spectrum, dusting her hands off. She now donned a shimmer suit she could shield properly in and a neutrino. Butler pulled the camfoil off himself and Artemis.

"You're right," said Artemis. "I am never _ever _going to speed again."

* * *

_So much for not speeding,_ thought Butler, his teeth clenched as he watched the Scud soar down the motorway in front of the Arnage he was driving. He then remembered that this was the last full day that Artemis would be seeing Holly for a while. They would be making the most of their time together. He sighed and took a deep breath. _They will be fine, _he told himself. No need to panic. He followed them back to Fowl Manor, allowing them some space.

* * *

**Back at Fowl Manor 10:00 am**

"Hey Seaweed Brain!"

"Holly, we've had this discussion," said the irritated Kelp. "No more annoying nicknames. You didn't even make that one up, it's from Percy Jackson." Holly tried to scowl but found that her smile stayed firmly in place. Commander Kelp noticed this and raised his eyebrows. "Is there something you're not telling me?" Holly's eyes widened a fraction.

"No," she said hurriedly. "Nothing." Trouble looked at her suspiciously as Artemis walked into the room and hugged her from behind.

"Curiouser and curiouser," the eldest Kelp quoted. Artemis rested his chin on Holly's head.

"Alice's Adventures in Wonderland," he commented. "One of my personal favourites." Trouble was too busy trying to decipher the odd behaviour on the screen in front of him. The only reason he could think of was so absurd he tried to put it out of his mind.

"Captain Short," he said finally. "I need you and Foaly back tomorrow morning at seven, which is seven o'clock tonight your time." That wiped the smile off both their faces.

"Tonight?" Artemis asked "You told us tomorrow." Trouble narrowed his eyes, even more suspicious.

"Why?" he asked. "Aren't you sick of each other by now?" Holly shook her head wildly.

"Of course not," she answered. "Arty and I lo-really enjoy each other's company."

"Arty?" Trouble asked, smirking in amusement. "Quite good friends are we?" Holly and Artemis looked at each other.

"Look, Sir," Holly started. "There is something that we're not telling you."

"Is this for the commander or for your old friend Trouble?" Trouble asked.

"Trouble," Holly said. "I'd prefer that the guy who is dating Jessica would talk to me, not the guy who will fire me as soon as he finds out." Trouble sighed, rubbing his eyes, he was up late.

"Yes, Holly?"

"Well er…" Holly paused. What on earth (or under for that matter) could she say that would make the blow any less harsh. "Artemis and I are dating." Trouble's mouth dropped open.

"Wh-what?"

"Artemis and I like each other," Holly said slowly. Trouble pinched the bridge of his nose.

"But that's-you can't-" he paused. "Why?" Artemis pulled up another chair beside Holly, staring intently at the webcam.

"Why do you date Jessica?" he asked. Trouble frowned, a little embarrassed.

"Because I love her," he answered, puffing out his chest. Holly smiled.

"And that's why I'm dating Artemis," she said. Trouble sighed, they'd found his sensitive spot.

"Fine," he said. "But I'm not going to lose my best captain to a human."

"Don't worry," Holly said. "The LEP is still my second love and I'm not giving that up, even if that means having a surface job in Tara."

"What's your first love?" Artemis asked. Holly looked at him sceptically, her eyebrows raised.

"Oh I wonder," she said sarcastically. Trouble was still quite disturbed by the scene in front of him.

"But you can't just go to the surface whenever you want to see him," he said. "You still need to go through the usual operation through IA and gods…I may as well just give you an annual surface visa." Holly's eyes lit up.

"Please?" she begged. Trouble thought about it for a moment. Holly was his best friend and had often helped him babysit Grub when they were younger, and now they were older, Holly still helped him with Grub. They had even tried dating twenty or so years back, but it didn't work. Instead, making them better friends then they were before. More like twins.

"Yeah, may as well. Have fun you two, and remember Holly, seven o'clock tonight." Holly nodded and turned to Artemis.

"Well," she said. "We better get that dwarf on the mudslide if we want to do anything before I have to go back under."

The truth finally hit Artemis. Hard. He wasn't going to see Holly for ages and ages. He didn't answer; instead he put his arms round her small frame, surprising her immensely. Artemis usually didn't act first, especially not compassionately. She could have sworn that she had heard sobs coming from the fifteen year old. But when he pulled back, he was his old self.

"Well," he said finally. "Do you have any final requests?" Holly laughed.

"You sound like an evil villain. 'Any last requests before I kill you!'" she said in a French accent.

"'My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father. Prepare to die!'" Artemis quoted, brandishing the pen he was holding. Holly laughed.

"_The Princess Bride_," she said. "I love that movie."

"So what do you want to do?" Artemis asked. Holly thought about it for a moment.

"Why don't we go up to your room and see?" Artemis put the pen in his pocket, graciously extending him arm to her.

"As you wish," he said and led her up to his room.

"Now," Artemis announced once they were sitting on his bed. "We don't have very long and you need to leave in eight hours in order to get to Haven on time." Holly looked at her watch. It was just after ten o'clock.

"Right," she said, "not much time."

Unfortunately, as we all know, when you are desperate to have fun, it is no fun at all. In the end, after lying on the bed talking, going for a walk, playing with the twins and annoying Foaly with Mulch's help and were just about to start a game of chess, Butler came to tell them that it was time to get ready to leave. Artemis swallowed and nodded, getting to his feet.

"Thank you, Butler," he replied. They got Holly's gear and met Mulch and Foaly at the door. From there, they got into the limo and began the drive to McGraney farm.

Artemis put his arm round Holly once they were in the car and she lay her head on his shoulder.

"I'm going to miss you," he said. Holly looked up at him.

"I'll be back sooner than you think," she said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Argh," complained Mulch. "Get a room."

Finally, when they arrived and exited the limo, Holly turned towards Artemis.

"You know something, Mud Boy?" she said. "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship."

"I couldn't put it any better," he replied. Holly waved and turned to leave with Foaly and Mulch.

Artemis watched them disappear into the shuttle port, murmuring his goodbye. As he turned to get back into the limo, he thought that he felt one last vibrate on his lips and a final whisper.

_Auf Wiedersehen. _

And then it was gone.

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**And there we have it, the final chapter. Sorry it wasn't that good, I hate writing cheesy goodbyes and well, this one blew up in smoke. I am currently writing the epilogue which I hope will be up in the next couple of weeks. **

**I'd like to thank those who put up with my terrible writing at the beginning and helped me develop it and to Artificial Asian for all your great criticism, wow, I've made a lot of progress. For those who don't know, this is definately NOT my best story and for those who haven't read it, make sure you read Tales of Romance by Foaly. Which was written by my brother and I and I am proud to say, has made people nearly fall off their chairs laughing.**

**Also, the first chapter of the Atlantis Complex is out on the main AF site (the one with the .uk) for a competition for those who live in the UK (Lucky them! I'm so jealous, stupid NZ not being in the UK) I'm sure that the majority of you would have read it, but there are always some. **

**ps thanks to WarlockWacko who gave me the idea of Trouble's annoying nickname that I asked for at the end of last chapter and for all those (Including you Loliver Fanfiction and Sera and Seth RTWM) That reviewed since September last year when I put it up. Please keep reviewing, It keeps me motivated and if you have any ideas for the wedding, I would be honoured to add them (I suck at writing weddings so this should be interesting).**

**Adieu adieu to you and you and you**

**Captain Short**


	14. Epilogue

Epilogue

Life sure was weird. With Artemis now living down in Haven having somehow managed to extend his life in some complicated way that I don't understand and the rest of the People wondering what the devious twenty five year old would do next, I was stuck in the unfortunate spotlight of the media. Blame Artemis. When he said 'I know' after I told him that his 'elf kissing days' were over, he was still stubborn enough to invent something to prove me wrong. If I didn't love him to death, I would have thrown him off the Cliffs of Dover years ago.

It's hard to believe how fast things went after that, I turned ninety three and the next thing I know, he's on one knee asking me to be his forever. I would like to say that I had said 'yes' straight away and we lived happily ever after… but to tell the truth, I slapped him. Hard. I was shocked OK. I mean, we had only been dating ten years, and that's a very short time for a fairy. But after I got over my initial shock, I said yes and we began the unbelievable plans for a wedding.

Now there's one thing that you need to know about the People before you ask one of them to marry you and that's the fact that our weddings aren't at all like human weddings. I mean, we don't even have rings. We switch acorns, the best acorn we can find to be exact and then we bury them under the earth simultaneously; hands intertwined as we are refilled with magic. Some guest then reads the passages on marriage and magic from The Book and then the warlock announces that we are married.

The problem is, once you are engaged, you need to go up to the surface more often to find an acorn and then you have to try to keep it fresh for the wedding. Or, as I found out after my own wedding, you could just ask someone on the surface to do it for you. Artemis of course, was doing most of the planning as he knew of the best spots and was able to predict the weather being the genius that he is. So I was left trying to find the perfect dress and bridesmaids. I had already decided that my friend, Jessica, the second female in recon and Trouble's fiancé, and Juliet should as they have both on numerous occasions saved my life.

I was thinking of a midnight blue for my dress, a straight satiny fabric and a lime green for the bridesmaids as the two colours really work together and both the blonde and brunette bridesmaids looked stunning in it.

Artemis had asked Butler to be his best man, but was declined, his old bodyguard was getting old and wasn't sure that he should be anymore than a guest. So instead, with the twins with other important jobs and No.1 as the warlock priest, Artemis was left with his only remaining male friend, Foaly (besides Mulch), who was absolutely delighted to be included in the bridal party.

"Oh my gods!" squealed Lili Frond, twirling me round. "You look amazing!" I still can't remember why I let her come and help me with my hair and makeup, though I vaguely remember her insulting my popularity and NOBODY insults my popularity; especially not Miss Popularity herself.

"Yeah," Juliet agreed. "You look absolutely stunning. I think it was the green eye shadow." I rolled my eyes, ten years after she forced me to wear it on my first date and she still brings it up.

"Now," Jessica said, directing me away from the mirror. "Time for us to go to the oak tree to meet your human." I grinned.

"Not human," I corrected. "I don't think that he really counts as a one anymore now he has magic and can live as long as we can." One side affect of his change had been his height. If we were living on the surface, it may have been a problem. But we weren't, so he blended in perfectly. He was still taller than me, but not by much and that was some consolation.

It was a few minutes after midnight when we arrived at the oak tree. The service had started and I was ordered by Mulch (the usher) to hide behind its large trunk before I made my entrance. Jessica and Juliet were adjusting my hair and attempting to keep the midnight blue edge of my dress off the ground. I listened to No.1 introduce himself to the small audience. I'm glad that Artemis didn't want a big white wedding with all his friends. All I wanted was his family and a few of our friends to be there. I heard Angeline sniffling happily; obviously watching her son who I assumed looked absolutely amazing.

"And now," No.1 said. "The Bride!" I took a deep breath. Juliet and Jessica walked around the oak tree and began their way down the small aisle as a fairy wedding march began to play. I counted to fifteen and began walking. Artemis Senior linked arms with me as I came round the oak tree, but I didn't really notice. Artemis was standing with his hands behind his back, looking cool and composed; though, after knowing him for more than fifteen years, I could tell that he was really very nervous, and that helped me get over my own nervousness. I straightened up and smiled at my soon-to-be father in law. He smiled reassuringly back, obviously understanding my nerves. Once we reached the tiny altar made from a fallen tree trunk, Artemis senior handed me over to Artemis, who clasped my clammy hand in his stronger- yet shaking-one. He looked down at me, a slight smile pulling at his lips. I grinned back, hoping it looked somewhat reassuring. We turned to look at No.1 who was watching us expectantly.

"Alright," he said once we had settled. "First I would like to welcome up Myles Fowl who is going to read a passage from The Book." Myles, who was now twelve-nearly-thirteen, strode up to the lectern.

"The Booke of the People," he read. "Page eighty four on the verses of Magic." He cleared his throat.

"_From the earth thine power flows_

_ Given through courtesy so thanks are owed_

_ Pluck thou the magic seed_

_ Where full moon, ancient oak and twisted waters meet_

_ And bury it far from where it was found_

_ So return your gift into the ground_." He grinned briefly at Artemis and me and sat back down beside his twin brother.

"Thank you, Myles," No.1 said. "Now I will invite Artemis Fowl the second to read the passage on marriage." I was surprised. I had assumed that Beckett would be reading the passage, not Artemis. He squeezed my hand and walked to the lectern.

"The verse on marriage is from the Book of the People, page one hundred and thirty." Artemis rolled his shoulders.

"_Marriage is thou connection with whom you love_

_ Because thou will be tied with him, not free like the dove. _

_ Thou must remember the laws, which are three_

_ The first is to bury the acorn near the oak tree._

_ The second is to promise him that thou will stick to these laws. _

_ The third: thou are bonded with him until thee are no more." _

Artemis's smile didn't quite reach his eyes as he made his way back to stand beside me. I still hadn't got over my surprise at his reading. It was very unusual for the groom in a fairy wedding to read.

"Artemis. Holly," No.1 said. "I will now ask you to bury the acorns."

Beckett strode forward with the acorns on a pillow. He stood in front of us as we passed each other the acorns we had chosen for one another. No vows were needed at a fairy wedding as sometimes words on such matters were hard to express. Beckett sat back down by his brother, but not before he tripped over his loafers, nearly falling to the ground. I stifled a giggle and Artemis's eyes glinted amusedly as a quiet chuckle went through the congregation. The laughter finally subsided as Beckett glared at them all menacingly.

"_Adhlacadh_," No.1 said in Gnommish.

'_The burial',_ I thought. _What a thing to say at a wedding, no wonder he said it in Gnommish. _Artemis took my other hand, the acorns now clasped between our fingers. We both knelt down, still facing each other. Artemis gently let go of my hands and drilled two holes in the ground with his finger. He put his acorn into one hole while I put mine into the other. I knew what came next, but I hadn't really thought about it. In order for us to be connected and the magic to flow through both of us simultaneously, we had to have a connection. Artemis didn't know of this, so I pulled him to me and placed a kiss on his lips. He groaned into my mouth as my tongue explored his mouth. I vaguely sensed the magic pulsating through both of us and the cheering from the congregation, but I kept myself focused on Artemis; it was our moment and nobody was going to take it away from us. Finally the magic dissipated and we broke apart, finding the guests once again quiet as No.1 placed a hand on each of our shoulders.

"I now pronounce you…" Both hand holders were amused. We both chuckled as No.1 finished his joke. "Man and elf." He grinned at us like a lunatic and looked at Artemis. "You may kiss the bride."

"No need to say it twice," Artemis said as he took my face in his palms and began kissing the life out of me.

While I was being devoured by my _husband_, I swore that I saw a small furry animal out of the corner of my eye. I cranked my head up, breaking apart from Artemis as I looked around.

"Holly?" Artemis whispered. I frowned as the animal seemed to have disappeared.

"It's nothing," I said, 'I thought I saw something."

Artemis looked at me worriedly before we were both pulled to our feet by Juliet and given hugs all round. I wished that I had had a camera on me as I watched Artemis getting hugged by his mother, he made choking sounds…then I thought that it was probably best that I didn't have a camera as I was given the same rib-crushing hug seconds later.

"Welcome to the family!" Angeline exclaimed proudly. I tried to smile through my pain but ended up grimacing instead.

"Angeline," I choked. "Can you please..?" Angeline quickly allowed me to breathe.

"Sorry dear," she said. "I'm just so happy that you are finally part of the family."

"Ditto," I replied.

Artemis turned and smiled at me, putting out his arm for me to take.

"Shall we?" he asked. I smiled, taking his arm.

"We shall."

And at the risk of sounding clichéd, we lived happily, ever after.

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**And there we are, the final chapter. Thank you everyone who has reviewed this story, you've all kept me going when I got bored and have made me a much better writer. If you go back to the first two chapters, you'll see how much I have improved. **

**Anyway...for those Percy Jackson fans, Rick Riordan has written a new book, The Red Pyramid which is about Egyptian gods, which is really good. But he has also written a sequel to the Percy Jackson series called 'The Lost Hero' and the first chapter is up on its site wwwDOTcamphalfbloodDOTcom the password is newhero. No spaces and no caps. And that unlocks the first two chapters, which are really good. Enjoy. **

**I lost the game!**

**-Captain Short**


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